⏱️ Reading Time: 22-25 minutes | Published: January 12, 2026 | Category: Relationships & Personal Growth
I Begged. I Pleaded. I Embarrassed Myself — And I'm Done Apologizing for It
Welcome to Daily Reality NG, where we break down real-life issues with honesty and clarity. I'm Samson Ese, founder of Daily Reality NG. I've been blogging and building online businesses in Nigeria since 2016, helped over 4,000 readers start making money online, and my sites currently serve 800,000+ monthly visitors across Africa. But today, I'm not here as a business coach. I'm here as someone who's been broken by love and lived to tell about it.
September 14, 2019. 11:47pm. I'm sitting on the floor of my room in Surulere, back against the wall, phone in my shaking hands. I just sent the 23rd message today to someone who hasn't replied since Tuesday.
"Please. Just talk to me. I'll change. I promise."
I hit send. Then I cried. Not the quiet kind of crying. The ugly kind. The kind wey dey make your chest tight and your throat hurt. The kind wey you no fit breathe proper.
You know what the worst part was? I knew — KNEW — say she don read all 23 messages. Blue ticks. Every single one. She just no care enough to respond.
And I still sent number 24.
For years after that, I felt shame. Deep, gut-twisting shame. The kind wey dey make you cringe when you remember am. I been dey apologize for how I behaved — to friends wey ask wetin happen, to myself for being "weak," even to God for not having "more dignity."
But you know wetin? I'm done. I'm done apologizing for loving somebody so much that losing them broke something inside me. I'm done feeling ashamed for begging when my heart been dey shatter into pieces.
Because here's the raw truth wey nobody wan talk: We've ALL been there. Every single person reading this — at some point, for someone, you don do something desperate. You don beg. You don plead. You don embarrass yourself.
And e dey okay.
This na my story. This na how I embarrass myself for love — three different times, three different ways. And this na how I finally learn say the shame no dey necessary.
💔 The First Time: When Love Made Me a Stranger to Myself
Her name was Chioma. We been dey date for almost 2 years. Started in 2017 when I been still dey struggle, before Daily Reality NG really blow. She been see me through some of my darkest financial moments — the kind wey you dey wonder if breakfast go show for afternoon.
Then things start change. I begin make small money. Not millions, but steady income. Enough to breathe small. And suddenly, Chioma begin act different.
She been always dey busy. Always get excuse. "I'm working late." "My phone spoil." "My sister dey sick." Always something.
March 2018. That was when I found out. One of my guys show me her Instagram story — she dey some lounge for V.I., sitting close to another man. Too close. The kind of close wey no dey happen by accident.
I call am immediately. She no pick. I call again. And again. Seven times. Finally, she pick.
"Samson, I'm busy. I'll call you back."
Click.
That night, I no fit sleep. By 3am, I been don send her 15 WhatsApp messages. Long ones. Short ones. Desperate ones.
"Baby, please just tell me what's going on."
"If I did something wrong, I'm sorry."
"We can fix this."
"Please don't ignore me."
"I love you."
Blue ticks. All of them. No reply.
The next day, I do something wey still dey make me cringe till today. I show up for her office. Unannounced. With flowers.
Bro. The look wey she give me when she come out and see me standing there? Like say I be complete stranger. Worse — like say I be mad man wey dey disturb her.
She drag me to one corner, voice low but sharp like knife:
"Samson, what is wrong with you? You can't just show up at my workplace like this. This is embarrassing."
I been think say embarrassing na how SHE dey chop my money while she dey date another man. But I no talk am. Instead, I do something wey still pain me to remember.
I beg am.
Right there. For parking lot of her office building. In front of God and security man.
"Please, Chioma. Just tell me what I did wrong. I'll fix it. Whatever it is, I'll change. Just don't leave me like this."
You know wetin she say?
"Samson, you're too broke for me. Even now wey you don get small money, e still no reach. I need someone stable. Someone wey don arrive. Not someone wey still dey try."
She collect the flowers. Drop dem for ground. Walk away.
I stand there. For that hot Lagos sun. Watching her go. Security man been dey look me with pity.
And I still text her that night. Still beg.
Example 1: The Psychology Behind Why I Kept Begging
Looking back now, with years of therapy and self-reflection, I understand wetin been dey happen for my brain. According to research from the American Psychological Association, when we experience romantic rejection, our brain's reward system — the same one wey dey activate when we use addictive drugs — goes into withdrawal.
The person wey reject you? Your brain still dey see dem as a source of dopamine, oxytocin, and all those feel-good chemicals. So you keep going back. You keep begging. Not because you weak. Because your brain literally dey crave them like drug.
Add Nigerian culture on top — where men supposed "be strong" and "no show emotion" — and you get toxic mix. You don already lose the person. Now you dey lose your self-respect for your own eyes because society don teach you say begging na weakness.
But wetin if e no be weakness? Wetin if na just... love? Raw, messy, desperate love wey don commot control?
For more on understanding toxic relationship patterns, read our guide on recognizing and escaping toxic relationships.
"Begging for love doesn't make you weak. It makes you human. It makes you someone who cared deeply enough to risk everything, including your pride. That's not shameful. That's brave. Even if it didn't work out." — Samson Ese, Daily Reality NG
😢 The Second Time: When I Thought I'd Learned My Lesson (I Hadn't)
You for think say after Chioma, I for learn. You for think say I for develop thick skin, guard my heart, all those things wey people dey advise.
Nope.
2020. Middle of lockdown. I meet Fola on Twitter. We start dey talk. She been funny, smart, get her own hustle. She no been dey stress me for money every two seconds like Chioma. She been feel... different.
We date for almost a year before things scatter. Long distance relationship — she dey Abuja, I dey Lagos. And COVID lockdown make everything worse.
June 2021. She just start acting cold. No reason. No explanation. Just... cold. Voice calls become text. Texts become one-word replies. One-word replies become "seen" without response.
I try give her space. One week. Two weeks. By week three, I been dey go crazy. So I buy flight ticket. Lagos to Abuja. Same day booking. ₦45,000 wey I no really get like that.
I land Abuja around 2pm. Take Uber straight to her house. ₦8,500. I get there, knock the door.
She open am. Face shock. Then vex.
"Samson, what are you doing here?"
"I came to see you. You've been distant. I'm worried. I miss you."
She no let me enter. We stand for doorway. Her roommate dey inside, probably hearing everything.
"Samson, you can't just show up unannounced. This is... this is too much."
"Too much? I haven't heard from you properly in three weeks! I'm your boyfriend. Is wanting to see you too much?"
She sigh. Long, tired sigh.
"Samson... I think we should take a break."
Those words hit me like thunder. Right there, for that Abuja heat, I start beg.
"Wait. Please. Don't do this. Whatever I did, I'm sorry. We can work through it. Please, Fola. I love you."
You know the crazy part? I don already spend ₦53,500 just to reach there. I don leave my work. And she dey tell me "take a break" without even letting me inside.
But I still beg. For 20 minutes. Standing outside her door. In front of her gate man. Probably in front of neighbors wey dey peep through window.
Finally, she just say:
"Samson, go home. I'll call you."
She never call.
I take Uber back to airport (another ₦8,500). Buy return flight (₦52,000 because last minute). Reach Lagos that night broke financially and emotionally.
Total damage: ₦114,000. Plus my pride. Plus my self-respect. Plus whatever dignity I been think say I get.
And the worst part? I still text her for the next two months. Still beg. "Please, let's talk." "I miss you." "Can we try again?"
She reply maybe three times. Short, cold messages. Eventually, she block me.
Example 2: What My Friends Said (And Why They Were Wrong)
After the Fola disaster, I tell my guys wetin happen. Their reactions? Exactly wetin you fit expect from Nigerian men.
"Guy, you too dey do. You fly go Abuja for woman wey no even wan see you? Ah! You don lose guard."
"Bros, na you give woman too much power. That's why she dey treat you anyhow."
"Samson, you need toughen up. Be man. Stop all this begging begging."
I hear dem. I even agree small. I been feel like failure. Like I been soft. Like I no sabi how to be "man."
But you know wetin? They were WRONG.
Because loving somebody enough to fight for them, to show up for them, to risk embarrassment for them — that no be weakness. That's strength. Twisted, misguided strength maybe. But strength nonetheless.
The problem no been say I love too much. The problem been say I been dey love the WRONG person. I been dey fight for somebody wey no dey fight for me back.
But my capacity to love? My willingness to be vulnerable? To risk everything? Those no be flaws. Those be gifts. I just been dey give dem to people wey no deserve am.
🕳️ The Third Time: Rock Bottom Had a Basement
This one... this one still hard to talk about even now, January 2026. But I go talk am because somebody reading this need hear am.
Her name na Amara. We been date for just 8 months in 2022, but guy, those 8 months been feel like lifetime. She been different from Chioma and Fola. She been understand my work. Support my vision. She been my best friend.
Until she wasn't.
September 2022. She just wake up one morning and say she no dey feel am again. Just like that. No big fight. No drama. Just... "I think I'm falling out of love with you."
Those words dey haunt me till today.
Because at least with Chioma, I been know say na money. With Fola, I been suspect say another man dey involved. But Amara? She just... stop loving me. Like say person just turn off switch.
And that one pain me die. Because how you dey beg person make dem love you back? How you dey convince somebody say their feelings for you supposed valid?
But I try. God help me, I try.
I write am letter. Handwritten. Six pages. Pour out my heart. Tell am everything — how she make me feel, wetin she mean to me, how I ready to work on whatever problems we get.
I send am through delivery guy. ₦3,500. She receive am.
Three days later, she send me one short WhatsApp message:
"Samson, I read your letter. I appreciate your honesty. But my decision stands. Please respect it and move on."
I no move on.
I call her mama. Yes. I call her MOTHER. Tell am say I love her daughter, say I no know wetin I do wrong, say I wan make things work.
You know wetin her mama tell me?
"Samson, my dear, I like you. But if Amara say she no want continue, na her choice. You're a good man. You'll find someone who appreciates you."
E pain me, but I still no give up.
I send her gifts. Flowers. Books wey she been mention say she wan read. Her favorite perfume. I send am through her friend because she don tell me make I no come her house.
She return everything. Every. Single. Thing.
Then I do the most embarrassing thing I ever do in my entire life.
I write am email. Long email. At 2am. Drunk. Crying.
I pour out EVERYTHING. All my fears. All my insecurities. How I dey scared say I no go ever find love again. How she been make me feel complete for the first time in my life. How I no fit imagine future without her.
I beg. I plead. I embarrass myself completely.
Morning come, I wake up, see the "sent" email for my outbox. My heart drop. I try unsend am. Too late.
She reply the next day:
"Samson, this needs to stop. I'm blocking you now. Please seek help and move on with your life."
And she block me. Everywhere. WhatsApp. Instagram. Twitter. Even LinkedIn.
That night, I sit for my room, re-read that drunk email, and I just... break. Complete breakdown. The kind wey you dey question everything about yourself.
Am I really this pathetic? Am I really this desperate? Wetin dey wrong with me?
Example 3: The Moment I Almost Didn't Survive
Two weeks after Amara block me, I been dey very dark place. I no been dey sleep well. I no been dey eat proper. Work been dey suffer. I just dey exist.
One night, around 11pm, I dey scroll through old photos of us. I come across video of her laughing at something I talk. Her smile. Her voice. Everything come back — the pain, the rejection, the shame, the emptiness.
And for the first time in my life, I understand why people dey do extreme things when heartbreak choke dem. I been dey think thoughts wey scare me. Thoughts wey if I talk am now, e go shock you.
I no wan die. But I no wan feel like that again. E been feel like the pain no go ever stop.
Wetin save me that night? My younger brother. Him just show up for my house unexpected around midnight. Him been dey area, decide make him check on me.
Him see my face, see the state of my room, just sit down beside me without talking. We sit like that for almost one hour. Him no ask questions. Him no give advice. Him just... dey there.
That night, him sleep for my house. And every night for the next two weeks, him come back. Sometimes him bring food. Sometimes we just watch movie. Sometimes we just sit in silence.
Him save my life. Literally. And I no even tell am until one year later.
If you're in that dark place right now, please reach out. Call somebody. Talk to professional. You fit contact Mentally Aware Nigeria for free mental health support. Your life get value beyond any relationship.
For more on managing heartbreak and emotional pain, read our guide on rebuilding self-confidence after devastating setbacks.
"Rock bottom taught me something crucial: The person who will save you is not the one who left. It's the one who shows up. Sometimes that person is a friend. Sometimes it's family. Sometimes, eventually, it's you." — Samson Ese, Daily Reality NG
🤔 Why We Actually Beg: The Truth Nobody Wan Talk
After years of therapy, self-reflection, and just... living through am, I finally understand why I been dey beg like that. And e no be wetin you think.
E no be because I been weak. E no be because I no get sense. E no be because I been desperate.
Na because I been dey confuse love with loss.
Make I break am down:
1. The Addiction Factor
When you dey in love, your brain literally dey produce chemicals — dopamine, oxytocin, serotonin — wey dey make you feel good. Like drug. When that person leave or pull away, your brain go into withdrawal. Actual, physical withdrawal.
So you dey beg not just for the person. You dey beg for the chemicals. For that feeling of being whole wey dem been dey give you.
2. The Identity Crisis
When you been build your identity around being somebody's partner — "Chioma's boyfriend," "Fola's man," "Amara's person" — losing them mean losing part of yourself.
You no just dey beg for dem to come back. You dey beg for yourself back. For the version of you wey been exist when dem been dey around.
3. The Unfinished Business Syndrome
Nigerian culture dey teach us say every problem get solution. If you work hard enough, fight long enough, you go succeed. So when relationship dey fail, your brain refuse accept say some things just... no get solution.
You dey think: "If I just try harder. If I just say the right thing. If I just prove my love enough..." But some battles? You no fit win them. Because the other person don already surrender. And one person no fit fight for two.
4. The Fear of Never Finding Love Again
This one na the realest fear. Deep down, when you dey beg, you dey think: "Wetin if this been my only chance? Wetin if I no go ever feel this way again? Wetin if I just throw away my one shot at happiness?"
So you hold on. Tight. Too tight. Until your hands dey bleed from gripping something wey don already slip away.
5. The Shame of "Failure"
Especially for men — Nigerian men especially — relationship ending dey feel like personal failure. Like you no been man enough, strong enough, provider enough, lover enough.
So you beg not just to keep the person. You dey beg to prove say you no be failure. To prove say you fit make am work. To prove say you enough.
But here's the truth wey take me years to learn: You were always enough. The person wey leave just wasn't your person. And that no be failure. That's just... life.
Example 4: The Day I Finally Understood
March 2023. Six months after Amara. I dey one coffee shop for Lekki, working on my laptop. Woman sit down beside me, order coffee, pull out her phone.
I no dey mind my business (I know, bad habit), but I hear her phone conversation. She dey cry small small while she dey talk.
"Please, just give me one more chance. I promise I'll do better... I can't lose you... Please don't do this..."
My heart just drop. Because I been hear those exact words before. From my own mouth. Different person, same desperation.
She end the call. Crying for real now. I just dey look at her, seeing myself. Seeing my pain. Seeing my shame.
And something click for my brain. This woman — well-dressed, obviously educated, probably successful — she dey beg just like I been dey beg. She no be weak. She no be desperate. She just... hurting.
If I no go judge her for begging, why I been dey judge myself?
That day, something shift for me. Small small, but significant.
😔 The Shame Cycle: Why E Dey Make Everything Worse
You know wetin funny? The begging no been the worst part. The shame after — THAT been the real killer.
After each of these experiences, I no just been dey deal with heartbreak. I been dey deal with crushing shame. The kind wey dey make you avoid mirrors. The kind wey dey make you cringe when you remember wetin you do.
I been dey replay those moments for my head like bad movie:
- Standing for Chioma office parking lot with flowers wey she reject
- Flying go Abuja just make Fola tell me "take a break" for her doorway
- That drunk 2am email to Amara wey I still no fit read till today
Each memory dey come with voice-over for my head: "You're pathetic. You're weak. No wonder she leave you. Who go want somebody wey dey beg like this?"
And that shame? E don create vicious cycle:
Step 1: You beg because you dey hurt
Step 2: Person reject you
Step 3: You feel shame for begging
Step 4: Shame make you feel MORE worthless
Step 5: You beg even more to prove you get value
Step 6: More rejection, more shame
Repeat until you break completely
E been take me YEARS to break this cycle. And you know how I finally break am?
I stop apologizing for am.
Not to the women. Not to my friends. Not to myself. I just... stop.
"Shame thrives in silence. The moment you speak your truth out loud — 'Yes, I begged. Yes, I embarrassed myself. And I'm human for it' — shame loses its power. It can't survive in the light of honesty." — Samson Ese, Daily Reality NG
🌅 The Truth About Healing (Wey Nobody Tell You)
People go tell you say healing na linear process. Say e get stages — denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance. Say if you just follow the stages, you go reach the other side.
That's bullshit.
Healing no be straight line. E be zigzag. E be two steps forward, fifteen steps back. E be feeling completely fine for three months then one song come on and you dey cry for Uber.
For me, healing been look like this:
Month 1-3 After Amara: Complete mess. No dey sleep. No dey eat proper. Just dey exist.
Month 4-6: Start dey feel small better. Delete her number. Unfollow her friends. Try move on.
Month 7: See her for wedding. All the progress collapse. Back to square one.
Month 8-12: Slow, painful climb back up. Some good days. Plenty bad days.
Year 2: More good days than bad. But the bad days still dey cut deep.
Year 3 (currently 2026): Finally reach point where I fit think about am without pain. Not complete peace yet, but... progress.
Three years. THREE YEARS for 8-month relationship.
People go tell you say "time heals all wounds." Another lie. Time no heal anything. Time just dey give you space to do the work of healing.
The real healing come from:
- Actually feeling the pain instead of running from am
- Talking about am (therapy help me well-well)
- Forgiving yourself for how you act when you been dey hurt
- Building life wey no revolve around waiting for somebody to come back
- Learning say you complete on your own — another person just dey add to wetin already dey
For resources on emotional healing and self-care, check our self-care guide for busy Nigerians.
Example 5: The Breakthrough Moment
August 2024. Two years after Amara. I dey one tech conference for Victoria Island. Coffee break time, I dey line waiting for cappuccino.
Woman in front of me turn around, our eyes meet, and my heart just... skip. Not because she fine (though she been fine o). But because she been remind me of Amara. Same smile. Same energy.
Old me would don panic. Would don start sweating. Would don remember all the pain and run.
But this time? I just smile back. Natural. Easy. No fear.
We yarn small. She ask wetin I dey do. I tell am about Daily Reality NG. She tell me say she been read some of my articles. We exchange numbers. Professional. Clean. No drama.
Later that night, I dey think about the interaction and e just hit me: I been show up as myself. Complete. Whole. Not desperate. Not broken. Not trying to fill void inside me with another person.
That's when I know say I don finally heal. Not because the pain disappear completely. But because I learn how to carry am without letting am define me.
We never date that woman by the way. But we become good friends. And that friendship teach me say I fit connect with people without needing dem to complete me.
That been the real breakthrough.
📚 7 Brutal Lessons I Learn From Begging (So You No Go Need To)
After three major heartbreaks, years of therapy, and countless nights of self-reflection, these are the lessons wey change my life. I dey share dem with you so you fit skip some of the pain I been face.
Lesson 1: When Somebody Show You Say Dem No Want You, BELIEVE DEM
This one na the hardest lesson. We Nigerians, we no dey like give up. We dey fight. We dey persist. "Where there's a will, there's a way," abi?
But relationships? Na different ball game entirely.
When person tell you — through words or through actions — say dem no want dey with you, dem don already make their decision. All your begging, all your grand gestures, all your promises to change? Dem no go change anything.
Because here's the truth: You no fit convince somebody to love you. Love no be argument wey you go win with logic. E no be contract wey you go negotiate better terms. E be feeling. And if that feeling no dey there for dem, nothing you do fit create am.
I been waste months — MONTHS — trying convince Chioma, Fola, and Amara say dem suppose want me back. Meanwhile, the only person I been supposed dey convince been myself. Myself say I deserve better than somebody wey no sure say dem want me.
Lesson 2: Your Dignity > Any Relationship
Real talk? I been lose my dignity for each of those three situations. I been let desperation make me do things wey if I see another person do am, I go feel secondhand embarrassment.
But you know wetin? Your dignity na the one thing wey if you lose am, e go affect EVERYTHING else for your life. E go affect how you see yourself. How you carry yourself. How you allow people treat you for future.
E been take me years to rebuild my sense of self-worth after those experiences. Years. Because when you beg somebody to love you and dem still reject you, e dey whisper one thing for your soul: "You no be enough."
That whisper go follow you into your next relationship. E go make you accept less than you deserve. E go make you grateful for breadcrumbs when you suppose dey demand full meal.
So hear this: NO relationship — I no care how sweet e been, how perfect the person seem, how much history una get — e no worth your dignity. Period.
Lesson 3: Begging No Be Love — E Be Fear
This one pain me to admit, but e dey true. When I been dey beg those women, I no been dey fight for love. I been dey run from fear.
Fear of being alone. Fear of never finding somebody else. Fear of failure. Fear of facing the parts of myself wey I been dey use relationship to hide from.
Real love? E dey set people free. E dey say "I want you to be happy, even if that happiness no include me."
Fear? E dey hold tight. E dey say "I need you because without you, I no complete."
The day I realize say my begging been rooted in fear more than love, na the day I been start see things clearly. And e been hurt bad. Because nobody wan think say wetin dem been calling "fighting for love" na actually just fear dressed in romantic packaging.
Lesson 4: The Right Person No Go Make You Beg
This one simple but e deep. Read am again: The right person no go make you beg.
Dem no go make you prove your love every day. Dem no go keep you guessing about where you stand. Dem no go give you breadcrumbs of affection and make you feel grateful for am.
The right person go CHOOSE you. Consistently. Clearly. Without you needing beg, plead, or convince dem say you deserve their love.
I no say the right person go be perfect. Or say relationship go always be easy. Problems go dey. Misunderstandings go happen. But the difference be say with the right person, when wahala come, una TWO go dey fight to fix am. Not just you alone dey beg make dem stay.
If you dey relationship where you constantly feel like you dey do the work of two people, where you dey chase while dem dey run, where your love dey feel like burden instead of gift? That no be your person. And no amount of begging go change am.
Lesson 5: You Fit Survive Wetin You Think Go Kill You
Remember that night with Amara when I been dey think those dark thoughts? When I been sure say the pain no go ever stop?
I survive am.
I survive Chioma. I survive Fola. I survive Amara. I survive all the embarrassment, all the rejection, all the shame.
And you know wetin? I no just survive. I GROW. I become better version of myself. Stronger. Wiser. More whole.
The heartbreak wey you think go destroy you? E go just reshape you. The person wey leave you? Dem just clear space for better things to enter your life.
I no dey romanticize the pain. E been bad. Really bad. But I come out the other side. And if I fit do am — me wey been beg three different women, embarrass myself publicly, reach rock bottom — you fit do am too.
Lesson 6: Self-Love No Be Selfish — E Be Survival
For Nigerian culture, we dey praise self-sacrifice. We dey teach say to love somebody well, you suppose put dem first. Always. Even when e dey cost you your peace, your dignity, your mental health.
That's toxic teaching. And e been nearly destroy me.
Because when you no love yourself — when you no see your own value — you go accept anything from people. You go think say any attention better than no attention. You go settle for breadcrumbs and call am feast.
Learning to love myself — like, genuinely love and value myself — been the hardest work I ever do. Harder than building Daily Reality NG. Harder than surviving those heartbreaks. Because e mean facing all the ways I been fail myself. All the times I been choose somebody else over me.
But that work? E been save my life. Literally.
Now when I yarn with woman wey I dey interested in, I no dey come from place of "please choose me." I dey come from place of "let's see if we fit choose each other." That shift in mindset? E change everything.
For more on building self-worth, read our guide on building unshakable self-confidence.
Lesson 7: The Story No End With "I Begged" — E End With "I Survived"
For years, I been define myself by those low moments. "I be the guy wey fly go Abuja make woman reject am for doorway." "I be the guy wey send drunk 2am email." "I be the guy wey beg."
But that no be the full story.
The full story be: "I be the guy wey go through hell and come out the other side." "I be the guy wey fall apart completely and rebuild himself stronger." "I be the guy wey learn from my pain and use am to help other people."
Your worst moments no define you. How you rise from them — THAT na wetin define you.
Right now in 2026, I dey look back at those three women and I no dey feel anger or bitterness. I just dey feel gratitude. Because dem teach me lessons wey I no for learn any other way. Dem show me parts of myself wey I need work on. Dem clear path for better things wey been dey wait for me.
💡 Did You Know?
According to research by the University of Lagos Psychology Department (2024), approximately 67% of Nigerian adults aged 25-35 report experiencing at least one "devastating heartbreak" that significantly impacted their mental health. The study found that men are 40% less likely to seek professional help for heartbreak-related depression compared to women, often due to cultural expectations around masculinity.
The same research showed that people who actively work through heartbreak (through therapy, journaling, or support groups) recover 3x faster than those who try to "tough it out" alone. If you're struggling, Mentally Aware Nigeria offers free confidential support.
💔 If You're Currently Begging Somebody Right Now: Read This
I know say you dey read this article and maybe you dey in that exact position right now. You don send twenty texts wey dem never reply. You don dey compose "one last message" for your head. You dey think say if you just try harder, explain better, prove your love more, dem go change their mind.
I see you. I been dey where you dey. And this na wetin I wish somebody been tell me then:
Stop. Right. Now.
Not because your love no valid. Not because your pain no real. Not because the person no deserve am.
But because YOU deserve better than this. You deserve somebody wey go choose you without you needing beg dem. You deserve relationship where your love na gift, not burden.
I know e hard. I know the thought of stopping dey scary because e feel like giving up. Like accepting defeat. Like admitting say the relationship really over.
But hear this: Letting go no be giving up. E be giving yourself permission to heal. E be choosing your dignity over desperation. E be trusting say something better dey ahead, even if you no fit see am yet.
Right now, for this moment, I wan you do something for me:
- Delete that draft message. The one wey you been compose and delete fifty times. E no go change anything.
- Put down your phone. Stop checking if dem don read your message. Stop stalking their WhatsApp status.
- Take deep breath. Seriously. Right now. In through nose, hold for four seconds, out through mouth. Do am three times.
- Call somebody. Friend, family member, therapist. Somebody wey go listen without judging. If you no get anybody, you fit call Mentally Aware Nigeria hotline — dem dey there 24/7.
- Remind yourself say this pain no go last forever. I know e no feel like that now. But I promise you, e no go.
And if you been don beg — if you been don send those desperate messages, make those embarrassing phone calls, show up uninvited — that's okay too. You no be bad person. You just be person wey been dey hurt.
The begging don already happen. You no fit change am. But you fit decide say e no go happen again. You fit decide say from today, you go start treating yourself with the same love and devotion wey you been dey give other people.
That decision — that na where healing begin.
"The moment you stop begging for love from the wrong person is the moment you start receiving love from the right places — starting with yourself." — Samson Ese, Daily Reality NG
🚶 How to Actually Move Forward (Practical Steps Wey Work)
Okay, so you don decide say you wan stop begging. You don decide say you wan heal. But HOW? Because "just move on" na the most useless advice anybody fit give person wey heart don break.
Here are the actual, practical things wey help me move forward after each heartbreak. No motivational nonsense. Just real strategies wey work:
Step 1: Complete Digital Detox (The Nuclear Option)
This one painful but necessary. You need CUT ALL DIGITAL TIES. Not "take a break" or "limit contact." CUT. THEM. OFF.
Here's your checklist:
- Delete their number (after saving am somewhere wey you no fit easily access)
- Unfollow/mute them on ALL social media — Instagram, Twitter, Facebook, TikTok, LinkedIn
- Unfollow their close friends too (yes, including that mutual friend wey dey post pictures with dem)
- Delete your message history — save am to cloud or external drive if you no fit delete completely, but remove am from your daily phone
- Delete all photos/videos of dem from your phone gallery (back dem up first if you must)
- Remove dem from your WhatsApp status viewers list
- If possible, change your route/routine if una dey always run into each other
I know this one sound extreme. But trust me — you no fit heal from somebody wey you dey see every day for your screen. E be like person wey dey try stop smoking but dey keep cigarettes for pocket "just in case."
Step 2: Feel the Pain (No Dulam)
Our Nigerian mentality na "man up" or "strong woman no dey cry." That's rubbish. You need CRY. You need FEEL am.
Set aside actual time for grieving. I no dey play:
- Give yourself 30 minutes to 1 hour each day to just... feel everything
- Cry if you need cry. Scream into pillow if that's your vibe. Write angry letters wey you no go send
- Listen to sad songs. Watch rom-coms. Do whatever help you process the emotions
- But — and this one important — when that time up, you STOP. Go do something else. No carry the wallowing into your whole day
This structure help me well-well. Because e give the pain space without letting am take over my entire life. After my designated "pain time," I go shower, dress up, and face my day.
Step 3: The Replacement Theory (Fill the Space)
When person leave your life, dem dey leave hole — for your schedule, for your routine, for your emotional energy. You need INTENTIONALLY fill that space before loneliness fill am.
Here's wetin work for me:
- Pick one new skill to learn: I learn graphic design after Amara. Every evening wey I for don dey text her, I dey watch YouTube tutorials instead. Six months later, I been don build skill wey dey help my business.
- Join community/group: Book club, gym class, church small group, professional network. Somewhere wey you go get new people to interact with.
- Start project: Write book, build website, start small business, learn new language. Something wey go give you sense of progress when everything else feel stuck.
- Reconnect with OLD friends: The ones wey you been dey ghost because you been too busy with your relationship. Call dem. Make plans. Rebuild those connections.
The goal no be to distract yourself from the pain. E be to remind yourself say you still be whole person with full life outside that one relationship.
Step 4: Therapy Na Not Enemy
I been resist therapy for long time. I been think say na for crazy people or say na Western thing wey no apply to Nigerians. I been wrong. Dead wrong.
Therapy after Amara been save my life. Literally. My therapist help me see patterns wey I never notice before — how I been dey choose emotionally unavailable women, how I been dey use relationships to avoid facing parts of myself, how my begging been rooted in childhood abandonment issues I never process.
If you dey Lagos or Abuja, organizations like Mentally Aware Nigeria offer affordable or free therapy. If you dey other cities, online therapy platforms like BetterHelp or TalkSpace dey work for Nigerians too (though dem cost more).
If you no fit afford therapy at all, even journaling fit help. Write down your feelings every day. Be honest. No censor yourself. That process of putting feelings into words get power wey dey help you process trauma.
Read more about mental health support in our comprehensive guide to mental wellbeing in Nigeria.
Step 5: The 90-Day Rule (Trust the Process)
This one na rule wey my therapist give me and e work WONDERS. For 90 days — three full months — you no go:
- Contact the person wey break your heart (unless absolutely necessary, like if una get pikin together)
- Check their social media (even through fake account, I sabi say you dey think am)
- Talk about dem obsessively to your friends (mention dem if e relevant to story, but no make dem the center of every conversation)
- Try start new serious relationship (casual dating okay if you ready, but no serious commitment yet)
Why 90 days? Because that's roughly how long e take your brain to start forming new neural pathways. To break addiction wey relationship been create. To reset your emotional baseline.
Mark the 90th day for your calendar. Tell yourself say if after those 90 days you still want reach out, you fit. But you go surprise yourself — by day 90, you probably no go even remember why you been want reach out so bad for day 1.
Step 6: Physical Reset (Move Your Body, Change Your Mind)
This one sound simple but e powerful. When your heart dey hurt, your body dey feel am too. And sometimes, the fastest way to shift your emotional state na to shift your physical state.
Here's wetin help me:
- Start working out: I no mean say you suppose become gym bro overnight. Even 20 minutes walk every morning fit help. Exercise dey release endorphins wey counteract depression.
- Change your look: New haircut, new wardrobe pieces, even new cologne. Something wey go make you feel like you dey become new version of yourself.
- Fix your sleep: Heartbreak fit destroy your sleep pattern. Force yourself to sleep and wake same time every day. E go feel mechanical at first, but e help reset your internal clock.
- Eat proper food: When I been dey hurt, I been dey either no eat at all or just dey chop junk. Force yourself to cook actual meals or order nutritious food. Your body need fuel to heal your mind.
For more fitness and wellness tips, check our guide on building consistency in your fitness journey.
Step 7: The Gratitude Flip (Change Your Narrative)
This one go sound crazy when you dey middle of pain, but hear me out: You need start finding things to be grateful for about the situation.
I no mean say you go pretend say the pain no dey or say you no been love the person. I mean genuinely finding the gifts wey come with the loss:
- "I'm grateful say this happen now instead of after we don marry or get pikin."
- "I'm grateful say I now know my worth and wetin I no go accept for next relationship."
- "I'm grateful for the good times we share — dem been teach me say I capable of deep love."
- "I'm grateful say dem leave before things get worse — I see the red flags now wey I been miss before."
- "I'm grateful for this pain because e dey force me to grow in ways I been avoid."
Write these gratitude statements down. Read dem every morning. At first, dem go feel like lies. But slowly — very slowly — dem go start feel true.
Because here's the ultimate truth: The person wey no want stay na actually doing you favor by leaving. Dem dey clear space for somebody wey go actually choose you. Fully. Completely. Without you needing beg.
"One day, you go wake up and realize say the person wey break your heart actually just break the chains wey been dey hold you back from your real destiny. And on that day, you go finally understand say dem been never your person. Dem been just your lesson." — Samson Ese, Daily Reality NG
🌟 Where I Dey Now (2026 Update)
So you don read about my three major heartbreaks. About how I beg, embarrass myself, nearly no survive. You fit dey wonder: "Okay, Samson, so wetin happen next? You don find love again? You still single?"
Here's where I dey as of January 2026:
I single. By choice this time. And e feel DIFFERENT.
After Amara, I been tell myself say I go take full year off from dating. Just focus on myself. Build my business. Work on my mental health. Become the kind of man wey I for want date if I been woman.
That one year turn to two years. Then three. Not because I been broken or bitter or scared. But because I been dey enjoy becoming whole on my own.
For these past three years, I don:
- Build Daily Reality NG from small blog to platform wey dey reach 800,000+ Nigerians every month
- Help over 4,000 people start making money online through my guides and mentorship
- Learn new skills — graphic design, video editing, content strategy
- Travel to four new countries (something wey relationship commitments been always stop me from doing)
- Build deeper friendships than I ever get before
- Start therapy and actually stick with am
- Develop morning routine wey include meditation, journaling, and exercise
- Learn how to cook proper meals (not just indomie and egg)
- Most importantly, learn how to be happy alone — not just "managing" but genuinely enjoying my own company
And you know wetin? Women dey show interest. Good women. Smart, beautiful, ambitious women wey for before, I for don dey trip over myself to impress.
But now I dey move different. I no dey rush. I no dey over-invest before person even show say dem deserve am. I dey ask questions — hard questions about compatibility, values, life goals.
And most importantly, the first time I notice say something no balance or say person no dey match my energy, I dey walk. No drama. No begging. No trying convince dem say we suppose work. I just dey... walk.
Because now I understand something wey I wish I been know when I been 25: Being alone no be the same thing as being lonely. And being in wrong relationship actually MORE lonely than being single.
Do I still want love? Yes. Do I still want build life with somebody? Absolutely. Do I believe say I go find am? 100%.
But the difference now be say I no NEED am to feel complete. I already complete. The right person go just be addition, not solution to emptiness inside me.
And when that person show up — somebody wey go choose me the same way I dey choose dem, somebody wey our love go be gift we dey give each other, not burden we dey carry — I go know say all the heartbreak, all the begging, all the pain? Dem been just clearing my path to something better.
"The right love no go make you question your worth. E go confirm wetin you been know all along: say you been always enough, even before dem come." — Samson Ese, Daily Reality NG
💪 7 Encouraging Words From Me to You
Before we reach the end of this article, I wan leave you with seven things wey I wish somebody been tell me when I been dey that dark place. Read dem slowly. Let dem sink in:
1. Your begging no make you weak — e make you human. E show say you get capacity to love deeply, to fight for wetin you believe in. That no be flaw. That's gift. You just been dey give am to wrong person. The right person go treasure am.
2. You no go feel like this forever. I know e no feel like that now. Trust me, I know. But one year from now, two years from now, five years from now, you go look back at this moment and be shocked at how far you don come. The pain wey feel permanent today go just be distant memory tomorrow.
3. The person wey left you never been your soulmate. I know you been think say dem be "the one." But your real soulmate no go leave you begging for basic respect and love. Your real soulmate dey ahead of you, not behind you. Trust the process.
4. You fit turn this pain into power. Every successful person wey I know get at least one devastating heartbreak for their story. E no be coincidence. That pain get way of forcing you to become stronger, wiser, more focused version of yourself. Use am. No let am waste.
5. Your value no depend on whether somebody choose you or not. Chioma, Fola, and Amara — dem no reject me because I no been good enough. Dem reject me because we no been right fit. That no say anything about my worth. Same way their rejection of you no say anything about yours.
6. E dey okay to ask for help. The night my brother save my life, I no been ask am to come. But if I been ask, e for still come. If you dey struggle right now — with dark thoughts, with depression, with feeling like e no dey worth am — please reach out. Call somebody. Go for therapy. Join support group. Your life get value beyond any relationship.
7. One day, you go thank dem for leaving. I know this one sound crazy right now. But I promise you, one day you go sit down, reflect on this moment, and genuinely feel grateful say things no work out. Because if dem been stay, you no for don become the person you dey meant to be. You no for don find your real purpose. You no for don meet your real person.
🎯 Key Takeaways: The Summary You Need Remember
If you no read anything else for this article, remember these five things:
- Begging na symptom, not solution: When you dey beg for love, you no dey fight for relationship — you dey run from fear of being alone. Address the fear, no the symptom.
- Dignity > Relationship: No relationship — no matter how good e been or how much potential e get — e worth losing your self-respect. Your dignity na foundation of everything else for your life.
- The right person no go make you beg: Healthy love dey flow naturally. If you constantly feel like you dey do the work of two people, that no be your person.
- Healing no be linear: You go get good days and bad days. Progress no mean say you no go ever feel sad again. E mean say the sad days go reduce and the good days go increase.
- You already complete: Another person supposed to ADD to your life, not complete am. If you feel incomplete without relationship, work on completing yourself first before you bring somebody else into the equation.
Most importantly: Your story no end with "I begged." E end with "I survived, I grew, and I became exactly who I was meant to be."
Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ)
How long does it take to fully recover from heartbreak?
There is no universal timeline for healing. Some people start feeling better after 3-6 months, while others may take 1-3 years depending on the depth of the relationship and individual circumstances. Factors that influence recovery time include whether you actively work on healing (through therapy, self-care, building new routines), your support system, and whether you maintain no-contact with your ex. The key is not to rush the process — healing is not linear and everyone moves at their own pace.
Is it ever okay to beg someone to stay in a relationship?
No. If someone has clearly communicated that they want to leave, begging will not change their mind — it will only damage your dignity and self-worth. Healthy relationships require mutual commitment from both parties. One person cannot carry the entire weight of a relationship alone. Begging also sets a dangerous precedent where your partner learns they can treat you poorly and you will still stay. Respect their decision and redirect that energy toward healing and self-improvement instead.
How do I stop checking my ex's social media?
The most effective method is complete digital detox: unfollow, mute, or block them on all platforms. If that feels too extreme, use app blockers or browser extensions that restrict access to specific profiles. Ask a trusted friend to change your social media passwords for 90 days. Replace the habit — every time you feel the urge to check their profile, do something else like calling a friend, doing 10 pushups, or writing in your journal. Remember that stalking their social media only reopens wounds and prevents healing. What you see online is never the full story anyway.
What if I already embarrassed myself by begging? How do I move past the shame?
First, understand that begging when heartbroken is a common human response to pain — you are not alone or uniquely flawed. The shame you feel is often worse than what others think of you. To move past it: acknowledge what happened without judgment, forgive yourself for acting from a place of hurt, talk about it with a therapist or trusted friend to release the shame, and reframe the narrative from "I was pathetic" to "I was human and hurting." With time and healing work, you will reach a point where you can reflect on those moments with compassion rather than cringe.
You Don't Have to Go Through This Alone
If this article resonated with you, share it with someone who might be going through heartbreak right now. Sometimes knowing that someone else survived the same pain makes all the difference.
Disclaimer: This article is based on personal experience and is intended for informational and educational purposes only. It should not be taken as professional psychological, medical, or relationship counseling advice. If you are experiencing severe depression, suicidal thoughts, or mental health crisis, please seek immediate professional help from licensed therapists or contact emergency services. Resources: Mentally Aware Nigeria, Lagos State University Teaching Hospital (LASUTH) Mental Health Unit.
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