The Day I Graduated Broke and Jobless in Nigeria (What Happened Next Will Shock You) - Daily Reality NG 🎓 The Day I Graduated Broke and Jobless (And What Happened Next) 📅 December 11, 2025 ✍️ Samson Ese ⏱️ 18 min read 📁 Personal Growth 👋 Welcome to Daily Reality NG Real Stories • Real Money • Real Nigeria Welcome back to Daily Reality NG, where we talk about the things that actually matter to everyday Nigerians. Today's story is personal. Very personal. It's about the day I graduated from university with noth...
How to Build a Peaceful Life: My True Story from Lagos
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How to Build a Peaceful Life: My True Story from Lagos
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How to Build a Peaceful Life: My True Story from Lagos
📅 December 10, 2025✍️ Samson Ese⏱️ 18 min read📂 Personal Growth
Welcome to Daily Reality NG, where we break down real-life issues with honesty and clarity.
I'm Samson Ese, founder of Daily Reality NG. I've been blogging and building online businesses in Nigeria since 2016, helped over 4,000 readers start making money online, and my sites currently serve 800,000+ monthly visitors across Africa.
It was 11:47 PM on a Friday night in 2018, and I was sitting in my car outside a pharmacy in Yaba. Engine off. Windows up. Just sitting there in the darkness, listening to my own breathing. I'd driven there to buy paracetamol for a headache that wouldn't quit, but once I arrived, I couldn't move. The exhaustion had caught up with me.
Not physical exhaustion. Something deeper. Something that makes your bones feel heavy and your mind feel like static. I was 26 years old, making decent money from my online business, had a girlfriend, lived in a nice apartment in Surulere. From the outside, my life looked fine. But inside? I felt like I was drowning in shallow water.
The noise was constant. WhatsApp groups blowing up with arguments about politics. Instagram showing me everyone's highlight reels while I felt stuck. Family members calling with problems I was supposed to solve. Clients demanding faster turnarounds. The relentless Lagos traffic that turned every trip into a battle. The generator that had to run because NEPA took light at exactly the wrong times. The expectations, the comparisons, the hustling, the proving, the performing.
I sat in that car for almost an hour, watching people walk in and out of the pharmacy, and I asked myself a question I'd been avoiding for months: When was the last time I felt genuinely peaceful? Not just tired enough to sleep. Not just distracted enough to forget my stress. But actually, deeply, internally at peace.
I couldn't remember. That scared me more than I wanted to admit. And that night became the beginning of the most important journey of my life, learning how to build a peaceful existence in one of the most chaotic cities on earth.
What I'm about to share isn't theory from self-help books. It's not motivational fluff or Instagram wisdom. This is what actually worked for me, a regular Nigerian guy living in Lagos, dealing with the same struggles you probably face. The generators, the traffic, the family pressures, the business stress, the constant noise. I figured out how to find peace not by escaping my reality, but by fundamentally changing my relationship with it.
Let me show you how.
Peace isn't the absence of chaos, it's the presence of inner calm. Photo by Simon Migaj on Unsplash
What Peace Actually Means (Not What You Think)
Before we go further, let's clear something up. When I talk about building a peaceful life, I'm not talking about sitting cross-legged on a mountain somewhere, chanting mantras and disconnecting from reality. That's not peace. That's escapism, and it doesn't work for those of us living real lives in Lagos.
Peace isn't the absence of problems. If you're waiting for all your problems to disappear before you feel peaceful, you'll be waiting forever. Traffic isn't going away. NEPA won't suddenly become reliable. The economy will keep fluctuating. Family will keep having expectations. That's just Nigerian reality.
Real peace is having internal calm regardless of external chaos. It's being able to sit in Lagos traffic without your blood pressure skyrocketing. It's handling a difficult client without losing your center. It's dealing with family drama without it consuming your entire emotional state. Peace is an internal condition, not an external circumstance.
💭 The Definition That Changed My Perspective
I used to think peace meant having no stress. Then I realized that was impossible. Instead, I learned to define peace as: "The ability to remain centered and clear-headed regardless of what's happening around me." This shift changed everything. I stopped trying to control external circumstances (which I couldn't) and started developing internal resilience (which I could). That's when actual peace became possible.
Peace also doesn't mean being passive or unbothered. Some people think peaceful people are just detached or don't care about anything. Wrong. You can be deeply passionate about your work, your family, your goals, and still be internally peaceful. Peace gives you the clarity to pursue what matters without being consumed by anxiety, anger, or stress.
In Nigerian context, peace means waking up in your one-room apartment without feeling like a failure because society says you should own a house by now. Peace means running your business without constantly comparing yourself to that guy on Instagram who claims to be making millions. Peace means loving your family without letting their dysfunction drain your emotional energy.
That's the peace I'm talking about. Not some unrealistic zen state, but a practical, achievable internal stability that makes life actually enjoyable despite all the external madness. Once I understood this distinction, I stopped chasing the wrong things and started building the right foundation.
True peace comes from within, not from external circumstances. Photo by Jared Rice on Unsplash
My Breaking Point: When Everything Got Too Much
Let me take you back to that period properly. 2018 was supposed to be my breakthrough year. My online business was growing. I'd finally quit my 9-to-5. I was in a relationship. My family was proud of me. From every external measure, I should have been happy.
Instead, I was falling apart.
I'd wake up at 5 AM to beat Lagos traffic to a client meeting in Lekki, spend three hours in transit for a one-hour meeting, then battle back through Oshodi to my apartment in Surulere. By the time I got home, I'd be so mentally drained I could barely work. But I had to work because bills were coming and my business was still young and unstable.
My phone never stopped buzzing. A client needed urgent revisions. A family WhatsApp group was arguing about who should contribute money for something. My girlfriend was upset I'd cancelled another date. A friend wanted to "catch up" but really needed to borrow money. My mom was calling about my younger brother's school fees. Everyone wanted something, and I had nothing left to give.
The Week Everything Collapsed
There was one particular week in July that almost broke me completely. My generator spoiled on Monday morning, costing me ₦45,000 to fix. On Tuesday, a major client refused to pay for work I'd already delivered, claiming the quality wasn't what they expected (it was exactly what they'd asked for). Wednesday, my car developed a fault that required ₦80,000 in repairs. Thursday, NEPA took light for 19 hours straight in the middle of a heatwave. Friday, my girlfriend of two years told me she needed "space" because I was always stressed and never present.
I remember sitting on my bed that Friday night, looking at my bank account showing a negative balance after all those expenses, listening to my neighbor's generator because mine still wasn't fixed, holding my phone that kept vibrating with messages I didn't have energy to answer. And I just... broke down.
Not the quiet tears kind of breakdown. The full body-shaking, can't-breathe kind. The type where you realize you've been holding everything together with willpower alone and that willpower just ran out.
⚠️ The Warning Signs I Ignored
Looking back, my body and mind had been sending me warnings for months. Constant headaches. Insomnia despite exhaustion. Irritability over small things. Loss of appetite. Withdrawing from social situations. Difficulty concentrating. Feeling emotionally numb. I'd ignored all of it, thinking I just needed to push through. But you can't push through burnout. Eventually, something breaks. For me, that something was almost my entire life.
That breakdown was terrifying, but it was also necessary. It forced me to stop, really stop, and admit that the way I was living wasn't sustainable. I couldn't control Lagos traffic. I couldn't control NEPA. I couldn't control difficult clients or family expectations or the economy. But I was letting all of it control me, and that had to change.
The next morning, I made a decision. Either I learned how to build a peaceful life despite all this chaos, or I'd keep spiraling until something worse than a breakdown happened. I chose peace. Not because I was strong or wise, but because I was desperate and had no other option.
The First Step I Took (And Why It Changed Everything)
Here's what I didn't do: I didn't quit my business, move to a village, or adopt some extreme lifestyle overhaul. Most advice about finding peace assumes you can just upend your entire life. But most of us can't do that. We have bills, responsibilities, relationships, commitments. We need practical solutions that work within our actual lives.
The first step I took was embarrassingly simple. I bought a small notebook and started writing down everything that made me feel stressed, anxious, or disturbed in a single day. Just documenting it. No judgment, no trying to fix anything yet. Just awareness.
That first day's list was devastating. I counted 47 different things that had triggered stress or anxiety in just one day. From the moment I woke up (worried about money) to the moment I tried to sleep (worried about tomorrow), I was in a constant state of low-level panic about something.
The Pattern I Discovered
After a week of tracking, patterns emerged. About 60 percent of my stress came from things I had absolutely zero control over. Traffic, NEPA, other people's behavior, the economy, past mistakes I couldn't change. I was wasting massive emotional energy on things I couldn't influence.
About 25 percent came from obligations I'd taken on voluntarily but that didn't align with my actual priorities. Being in three different WhatsApp groups that just drained my energy. Saying yes to social events I didn't want to attend. Maintaining relationships out of guilt rather than genuine connection. Taking on clients whose projects didn't excite me just because they were paying.
The remaining 15 percent were legitimate concerns that actually required my attention and could benefit from my focus. Business decisions. Health issues. Important relationships. Financial planning. The real problems were actually a small fraction of what was consuming my mental space.
✅ The Realization That Set Me Free
I realized I'd been giving equal emotional weight to everything. A disagreement with my girlfriend got the same level of stress as sitting in traffic. A difficult client got the same anxiety as NEPA taking light. A family member's disapproval felt as urgent as a real business crisis. No wonder I was exhausted. I was running my emotional system at maximum capacity for things that didn't deserve that much energy. Once I saw this pattern clearly, I could start making different choices.
This awareness became my foundation. I couldn't build peace while operating on autopilot, reacting to everything with maximum stress. I needed to become conscious of what actually deserved my emotional investment and what didn't. That simple notebook practice gave me that consciousness.
I still use this practice today, though not as intensely. When I notice my peace being disturbed, I stop and ask: "Can I control this? Does this actually matter? Is this worthy of my emotional energy?" Usually, the answer clarifies things immediately. And if something does deserve my attention, I can give it focused energy rather than diffused anxiety.
Awareness is the first step toward lasting change. Photo by Ben White on Unsplash
The Noise Detox That Saved My Mental Health
Once I became aware of my stress patterns, the next step became obvious. I needed to reduce noise. Not just physical noise (though that too), but all the mental and emotional noise that was drowning out any possibility of peace.
In Lagos, we're surrounded by constant noise. Literally. Generators humming, traffic honking, neighbors shouting, music blasting, street vendors calling. But the noise that was really killing my peace wasn't external. It was digital and social noise.
My WhatsApp Detox
I was in 17 different WhatsApp groups. Seventeen. Family groups, church groups, old classmates, business networks, neighborhood committees. Most of them, I'd muted months ago but never actually left because of social pressure. Every day, hundreds of messages I never read but that still created notification anxiety.
I made a list of every group and asked myself honestly: "Does being in this group add value to my life?" Not "Will people be offended if I leave?" Not "Should I be interested in this?" Just: does it actually add value?
The truth? Only three groups passed that test. Three out of seventeen. I left the rest. Didn't announce it, didn't apologize, just quietly exited. Some people noticed. Most didn't. Nobody died. And the relief was immediate.
💡 Real Talk: The Groups I Left
I left my extended family group where people argued about politics daily. I left my university class group where nobody had posted anything meaningful in two years. I left business networking groups that were just people trying to sell to each other. I left neighborhood groups that were mostly complaints about NEPA. Each exit felt scary at first, like I'd be missing out or offending people. Instead, I gained hours of mental space and energy. Nobody ever confronted me about leaving. They were too busy scrolling through the same noise that had been consuming me.
Social Media Boundaries
Instagram was harder. I convinced myself I needed it for business, which was partly true. But I was also using it to escape, to compare myself to others, to feel simultaneously inadequate and superior depending on whose posts I saw. The algorithm kept showing me exactly what would trigger my insecurities.
I didn't delete the app, but I changed how I used it. I unfollowed anyone whose content consistently made me feel worse about myself. Didn't matter if they were friends or family or successful people I "should" follow for inspiration. If their content triggered comparison, envy, or inadequacy, they were gone from my feed.
I also implemented strict time boundaries. No social media before 10 AM or after 8 PM. No mindless scrolling in bed. No checking it while in conversation with real people. These rules felt restrictive at first, then liberating. I discovered how much mental energy I'd been hemorrhaging into that infinite scroll.
News and Information Fasting
Nigerian news is exhausting. Every headline is designed to trigger fear, anger, or despair. Kidnapping. Corruption. Economic collapse. Tribal tensions. International disasters. It's not that these things aren't real or important, but constantly consuming negative information was keeping me in a state of ambient anxiety.
I stopped following news accounts on social media. I deleted news apps from my phone. I checked the news once a week in a focused way rather than having it blast into my consciousness constantly. If something truly important happened, I'd find out. But I stopped letting the news cycle dictate my emotional state.
People told me I'd be uninformed. Actually, the opposite happened. When I did engage with news once a week, I could read thoughtfully rather than reactively. I could distinguish between real problems and manufactured outrage. My understanding of what was actually happening improved because I wasn't drowning in information chaos.
Setting Boundaries Without Feeling Guilty
Noise detox was relatively easy once I committed to it. Setting boundaries with actual people in my life? That was the hard part. Especially in Nigerian culture where family obligations are sacred and saying "no" feels like betrayal.
The truth is, most of my stress came from saying yes to things I should have said no to. Not because I wanted to help or was genuinely available, but because I was afraid of disappointing people, being seen as selfish, or dealing with the guilt of refusal.
Family Boundaries
My family is large, and in typical Nigerian fashion, everyone feels entitled to everyone else's business and resources. When I started my business and people saw I was making some money, the requests increased. Money for this emergency, help with that expense, come to this family meeting, why aren't you calling more, why don't you visit as often.
I love my family. But I was drowning trying to meet everyone's expectations while neglecting my own wellbeing and business. Something had to change.
I sat down with the closest family members and had an honest conversation. I explained that I was struggling, that I couldn't be everything to everyone, that I needed to prioritize my own stability before I could genuinely help others. I set specific boundaries around money (a monthly amount I'd make available, not responding to every emergency), time (specific days I'd be reachable, not answering calls during work hours), and emotional labor (I wouldn't be the family counselor for everyone's problems anymore).
⚠️ The Pushback I Faced
Some family members were offended. I got called selfish, told I'd changed, accused of thinking I was too good for everyone now that I had a little money. My mom was hurt that I wouldn't answer her calls anytime she wanted. One uncle stopped talking to me for three months because I refused to lend him money I didn't have. It was painful. But you know what was more painful? The constant drain on my energy, finances, and peace trying to be everything to everyone. The people who genuinely cared about me eventually understood. The others... their opinion mattered less than my sanity.
Work Boundaries
I was available to clients 24/7. Answering emails at midnight, taking calls at 6 AM, working weekends, constantly "on" because I was afraid of losing business. This was destroying any chance at peace.
I implemented business hours. 9 AM to 6 PM, Monday to Friday. I communicated this clearly to all clients. Emails sent outside those hours got auto-responses saying I'd reply during business hours. Calls outside those times went to voicemail. I stopped checking work email on weekends.
I lost exactly one client over these boundaries. One. And honestly, that client was demanding and difficult anyway. The rest respected the structure, and many told me they appreciated working with someone who had clear professional boundaries. My productivity actually increased because I was working focused hours instead of scattered availability.
Social Boundaries
I started saying no to social invitations that didn't genuinely interest me. Weddings of people I barely knew. Parties I felt obligated to attend. "Hanging out" with friends I'd outgrown but felt guilty about distancing from. Each "no" felt uncomfortable, but each one also protected my energy for things that actually mattered.
I also became honest about my capacity. When friends asked me to help with things, I'd evaluate whether I genuinely had the bandwidth. If not, I'd say so clearly instead of agreeing and then resenting them or doing a half-effort job. Real friends appreciated the honesty. Others fell away, which was actually fine.
How you start your day determines the rest of it. Photo by Dawid Zawiła on Unsplash
My Morning Ritual (Before Lagos Chaos Begins)
One of the most powerful changes I made was how I started my day. Previously, I'd wake up and immediately grab my phone. Check WhatsApp, check emails, check social media, check news. Within five minutes of consciousness, my mind was already filled with other people's agendas, problems, and energies.
I realized I was giving away the freshest, most peaceful part of my day before I'd even claimed it for myself. So I created a morning ritual that protected my peace before Lagos chaos could invade it.
The No-Phone First Hour
This is my non-negotiable rule. No phone for the first hour after waking up. I keep my phone in another room overnight so I'm not tempted to grab it immediately. I bought an actual alarm clock (cost ₦3,000 at Game) so I didn't need my phone to wake up.
That first hour belongs to me. No messages, no emails, no news, no other people's energy. Just me and my thoughts and my intention for the day. This single practice has done more for my peace than almost anything else.
My Actual Morning Routine
I wake up at 5:30 AM. Not because I'm a productivity machine, but because it's the only truly quiet time in Lagos. Before generators start humming, before traffic begins, before the hustle kicks in. Just quiet.
First 15 minutes: I sit with my journal and write three things. One thing I'm grateful for (this trains my brain toward appreciation instead of complaint). One thing I want to accomplish today (gives me focus). One thing I'll release or not worry about today (helps me practice letting go).
Next 15 minutes: I either sit in silence or do gentle stretching. Nothing formal or complicated. Just being present in my body instead of immediately jumping into my head. Some mornings I pray. Some mornings I just breathe. Both work.
Next 30 minutes: I read something meaningful. Not news, not social media, but actual books or long-form articles that feed my mind with quality instead of junk. Philosophy, biographies, personal development, fiction that moves me. Something that makes me think differently.
✅ What This Routine Actually Does
This routine sets my emotional and mental tone for the day. By the time I check my phone at 6:30 AM, I've already centered myself. Whatever chaos is waiting in those messages, I'm facing it from a place of groundedness rather than reactivity. The difference is massive. Days I skip this routine, I notice immediately. I'm more irritable, more reactive, more scattered. Days I protect this time, I handle the same external chaos with much more internal calm.
After that hour, I have breakfast, check my phone, and plan my actual work day. But those first 60 minutes are sacred. They're my daily investment in peace, and they pay dividends throughout the rest of the day.
Building Financial Peace in an Unstable Economy
Let's be real about something. A lot of stress and lack of peace comes from money problems. You can meditate all you want, but if you're constantly worried about how to pay rent or feed yourself, internal peace is going to be difficult.
I'm not going to pretend I have all the answers to financial stability in Nigeria's chaotic economy. But I learned some practices that significantly reduced my financial anxiety and contributed to my overall peace.
The Emergency Fund That Changed Everything
Before 2019, I was living month to month. Sometimes week to week. Any unexpected expense, a generator repair, a medical bill, a family emergency, would completely destabilize me financially and emotionally. The constant financial precarity was one of my biggest sources of stress.
I started building an emergency fund. Not some massive amount that felt impossible. Just ₦5,000 every week, no matter what. Some weeks that felt like a lot. Other weeks I barely noticed it. But I was consistent.
After six months, I had ₦120,000 saved. Not life-changing money, but enough to handle most unexpected expenses without panic. When my car broke down and needed repairs, instead of spiraling into anxiety about where the money would come from, I calmly withdrew from my emergency fund and handled it. That feeling of financial cushioning created mental space I hadn't had in years.
💰 Real Example: The Power of ₦100,000
In late 2019, NEPA burned my fridge, my TV, and some other electronics during a power surge. Old me would have panicked, borrowed money, stressed for weeks. But I had my emergency fund. I withdrew ₦85,000, replaced what needed replacing, and moved on with my life. The peace of mind knowing I could handle unexpected expenses without crisis was worth more than the actual money. Financial peace isn't about being rich. It's about having enough buffer to not be in constant survival mode.
Diversifying Income Streams
Relying on one income source in Nigeria is risky. Clients can disappear overnight. Economic downturns happen without warning. I learned to diversify not by working more, but by working smarter.
I created digital products that generated passive income. I took on a few retainer clients for stable monthly revenue. I invested small amounts in opportunities that could grow over time. Not all of these worked perfectly, but the diversity itself created stability. If one income stream dried up, I wasn't immediately in crisis.
Living Below My Means
This is unpopular advice in a culture that values showing success, but it transformed my financial peace. When my income increased, I didn't immediately upgrade my lifestyle. I kept living in my one-bedroom apartment instead of moving to a fancier place. I kept using my old phone that worked fine. I didn't buy a new car just because I could afford payments.
The gap between what I earned and what I spent became my peace fund. It meant I wasn't constantly stressed about maintaining a lifestyle I could barely afford. It meant I had room to breathe financially. It meant I could make business decisions based on what was right, not just what paid the most.
Clear Financial Boundaries
I decided exactly how much I'd give away or lend each month. Not as much as people wanted or expected, but what I could genuinely afford without compromising my own stability. I communicated this clearly to family and friends. Some were disappointed. But my financial peace depended on not over-extending myself trying to solve everyone else's money problems while neglecting my own foundation.
I also stopped trying to keep up with social media lifestyles. That guy posting pictures of his new car? I don't know his actual financial situation. That girl showing off expensive clothes? Could be drowning in debt. I focused on building real wealth (savings, investments, stability) rather than the appearance of wealth (expensive things I couldn't actually afford).
Creating Peaceful Relationships
Some of my biggest stress came from relationships. Romantic relationships, family relationships, friendships. I was constantly managing other people's emotions, trying to keep everyone happy, avoiding conflict at all costs, and exhausting myself in the process.
Choosing Peace Over Being Right
I used to argue about everything. Politics, religion, whose fault something was, who said what, endless back-and-forth trying to prove my point. Even when I "won" these arguments, I'd feel drained and upset. The victory wasn't worth the emotional cost.
I made a decision: unless something directly affects my life or values, I don't need to argue about it. Someone has a different political opinion? Okay. Someone believes something I think is wrong? Not my battle. Someone wants to blame me for something that wasn't my fault? I can clarify once, then let it go.
This doesn't mean I became passive or let people walk over me. It means I stopped fighting battles that didn't matter. I saved my energy for conversations and conflicts that actually needed my engagement. Everything else? Not worth disturbing my peace over.
✅ The Argument I Didn't Have
My uncle once blamed me publicly for not contributing enough to a family event. Old me would have launched into a detailed defense, brought up receipts, argued about fairness. New me simply said, "I contributed what I could afford," and changed the subject. He pushed for an argument. I didn't engage. He eventually gave up. The conversation moved on. I didn't carry the resentment for days like I used to. The peace of non-engagement felt better than the temporary satisfaction of winning an argument would have felt.
Letting Go of Toxic Relationships
This was painful but necessary. I had friendships that were draining me, romantic relationships that brought more chaos than connection, family dynamics that were purely obligation with no genuine love or respect.
I started asking myself honestly: "Does this relationship add to my peace or disturb it?" Not "Should I keep this person in my life?" but "What is the actual effect of this relationship on my wellbeing?"
Some relationships, I ended cleanly. Others, I just let naturally fade by not investing energy anymore. A few people got angry. Many didn't even notice. And the space created by removing toxic relationships allowed peaceful, healthy ones to flourish.
Communicating Clearly and Kindly
A lot of relationship stress comes from poor communication. Not saying what we actually mean. Expecting people to read our minds. Getting upset about unmet expectations we never clearly expressed.
I learned to communicate more directly. "I'm not available this weekend" instead of making excuses. "I can't afford to help with that" instead of vague promises. "I need some alone time" instead of pretending everything was fine when I was overwhelmed.
Clear communication felt uncomfortable at first because I worried about hurting feelings or seeming rude. But actually, it was kinder. It gave people real information instead of mixed signals. And it dramatically reduced misunderstandings and resentment.
Accepting That I Can't Control Others
I spent years trying to change people, fix people, convince people to see things differently. My parents. My siblings. My girlfriend. My friends. All that energy wasted trying to control what I couldn't control.
I finally accepted: people are who they are. I can express my feelings, set my boundaries, and make my choices. But I can't make them change. I can't make them understand. I can't make them treat me the way I want to be treated. I can only control my responses and my participation in relationships.
This acceptance was liberating. When my mom criticized my life choices, instead of arguing or feeling hurt for days, I'd think, "She's entitled to her opinion. I'm entitled to my decisions." When a friend disappointed me repeatedly, instead of trying to fix them or explain why they should be different, I'd simply adjust my expectations or distance myself.
Peaceful relationships aren't about everyone agreeing or everyone meeting your needs perfectly. They're about accepting people as they are while protecting your own boundaries and wellbeing. That balance took time to learn, but it's essential for sustainable peace.
Your physical space deeply affects your mental state. Photo by Hutomo Abrianto on Unsplash
Designing a Peaceful Physical Environment
Your physical environment affects your mental state more than you realize. I used to think environment didn't matter much as long as I had somewhere to sleep and work. I was wrong. The chaos of my physical space was contributing to the chaos in my mind.
The Deep Declutter
My apartment was full of stuff. Clothes I never wore. Books I'd never read. Gifts I felt obligated to keep. Electronics that didn't work. Papers and documents I'd been meaning to organize for years. All this physical clutter was creating mental clutter.
I spent a weekend doing a brutal declutter. I asked myself about every item: "Do I use this? Do I love this? Does this add value to my life?" If the answer was no to all three, it went. Donated, sold, or thrown away.
I got rid of about 60 percent of what I owned. My apartment went from cramped and cluttered to spacious and breathing. The psychological effect was immediate. I felt lighter. My space felt calm instead of chaotic. I could find things easily. Cleaning became simple instead of overwhelming.
💡 What I Kept, What I Didn't
I kept things that were useful or genuinely meaningful. My laptop and work equipment. Clothes I actually wore regularly. Books I referenced often or loved deeply. Photos and items with real sentimental value. I got rid of: clothes that didn't fit but I kept "just in case," gadgets I bought but never used, decorations that didn't reflect who I actually was, gifts I felt obligated to keep but didn't like. The freedom of only being surrounded by things I chose intentionally was profound.
Creating Zones of Peace
Even in my small one-bedroom apartment, I created specific zones. A work zone where I did business. A rest zone where I slept and relaxed. A chaos zone near the door where I dumped things when I came in but didn't let spread to the rest of the space.
The most important zone was what I called my "peace corner." Just a comfortable chair near the window with good natural light, a small side table, and a plant. This was where I did my morning ritual, where I read, where I sat when I needed to decompress. Having a designated peaceful space in my home gave me somewhere to retreat when external chaos got overwhelming.
Managing Lagos Noise
You can't escape noise in Lagos, but you can minimize it. I invested in good earplugs for sleeping (cost me ₦2,500 on Jumia, changed my life). I bought thick curtains that helped with both light and sound. I rearranged my furniture so my bed was furthest from the street noise.
I also created intentional sound. Instead of silence being interrupted by random Lagos chaos, I'd play calm music or nature sounds at low volume. This gave me some control over my auditory environment even though I couldn't control the noise outside.
Adding Elements of Calm
I'm not into fancy interior design, but I made small changes that increased peace. I bought a few plants (they're cheap from street vendors and actually do improve air quality and mood). I switched to warm, soft lighting instead of harsh white bulbs. I put up a few pictures that made me feel calm when I looked at them.
None of this cost much money. The plants cost ₦1,000 each. The lighting was maybe ₦5,000 total. The pictures I printed at a photo shop for a few hundred naira. But the cumulative effect of coming home to a space that felt intentionally peaceful instead of accidentally chaotic was worth far more than the small investment.
Daily Mental Practices That Actually Work
External changes helped tremendously, but the most powerful shifts happened internally. I developed mental practices that helped me maintain peace regardless of what was happening around me. These aren't complicated or time-consuming, just consistent.
The Five-Minute Reset
Throughout the day, whenever I felt my peace slipping, I'd do what I call a five-minute reset. Stop whatever I'm doing. Close my eyes. Take five deep, slow breaths. Ask myself: "What am I feeling right now? What triggered it? Do I need to act on this feeling, or can I just let it pass?"
Usually, just acknowledging the feeling and breathing through it was enough. The emotion would peak and then subside. I didn't need to react to every stress trigger. I could observe it, feel it, and let it go. This practice prevented so many reactive decisions and unnecessary conflicts.
Practicing Gratitude (For Real, Not Just Posting)
Everyone talks about gratitude, but I used to think it was fluffy motivation talk. Then I actually practiced it consistently, not performatively on social media, but privately in my journal every morning.
Writing down three specific things I was genuinely grateful for each day rewired my brain gradually. Instead of automatically focusing on what was wrong (which Nigerian life gives you plenty of material for), I trained myself to also notice what was right. The gratitude didn't fix my problems, but it gave me a more balanced perspective that made problems feel less overwhelming.
✨ Gratitude in Lagos Chaos
Some mornings my gratitude list looked like: "Grateful NEPA gave us light for six hours yesterday. Grateful I woke up healthy. Grateful for the woman who sold me akara this morning and smiled genuinely." Small things. Real things. Not Instagram-worthy moments, just honest appreciation for what was actually good in my life. Over months, this practice shifted my default mental state from complaint to appreciation, which made the same difficult circumstances feel more manageable.
The Release Ritual
Every evening before bed, I'd do a release ritual. Mentally review the day and consciously let go of what I was carrying. That argument with a client. That disappointment about something that didn't work out. That frustration with traffic. That worry about tomorrow.
I'd visualize each concern as a physical object I was holding, then imagine setting it down. Sometimes I'd write particularly heavy things on paper and literally tear it up and throw it away. The physical act of release helped my brain actually let go instead of carrying everything into my sleep.
Choosing Responses Over Reactions
This is harder than it sounds. When something triggered me, anger, frustration, anxiety, my instinct was to react immediately. Send that angry message. Make that defensive phone call. Spiral into worry.
I learned to pause. Not forever, just a moment. Long enough to ask: "Is this reaction going to help? Or is it just going to create more chaos?" Usually, the pause itself diffused the intensity enough that I could choose a response instead of being controlled by a reaction.
Sometimes I'd still need to address the situation, but I'd do it from a place of choice rather than emotional hijacking. That made all the difference between creating resolution and creating more problems.
How to Stay Peaceful When Life Gets Crazy
Building peace is one thing. Maintaining it when life throws chaos at you is another. Because life will throw chaos. This is Lagos. This is Nigeria. This is being human. The question isn't whether chaos will come, but how you'll handle it when it does.
My Non-Negotiables
I identified three practices that, no matter how busy or stressed I got, I would not skip. My morning routine. My evening release ritual. And one day each week (usually Sunday) with minimal obligations and maximum rest.
These became my anchors. When everything else was chaotic, these three things kept me tethered to peace. Some days they were the only peaceful moments I had, but that was enough to prevent complete overwhelm.
Accepting Imperfection
I had to let go of the idea that peaceful living meant perfect execution. Some days I'd snap at someone. Some days I'd skip my morning routine. Some days I'd stress about things I couldn't control. That didn't mean I'd failed or lost all my progress.
Peace isn't about never feeling stressed or anxious. It's about having tools to return to calm relatively quickly instead of staying stuck in chaos for days or weeks. It's about the overall trend being toward more peace, even if individual moments are still messy.
⚠️ When Old Patterns Return
Sometimes I'd catch myself falling back into old patterns. Saying yes when I should say no. Carrying other people's problems. Doom-scrolling at 2 AM. Getting pulled into unnecessary arguments. When this happened, instead of beating myself up, I'd simply notice it and recommit to my practices. "Okay, I got off track. That's human. What do I need to do today to get back to center?" This self-compassion was crucial for sustainable peace.
Community and Support
I realized I couldn't maintain peace in complete isolation. I needed people who understood what I was trying to build and supported it. I found a few friends who valued peace over chaos, who weren't constantly in drama, who could have deep conversations about life instead of just gossip and complaints.
These relationships became crucial support. When I was struggling, I could talk to someone who wouldn't judge or try to fix me, but would just listen and remind me of my own tools. Having even two or three people like this in your life makes the journey much more sustainable.
Celebrating Small Wins
I started acknowledging progress, even tiny progress. Handled a difficult situation without losing my temper? Win. Chose to rest instead of pushing through exhaustion? Win. Said no to something that would have drained me? Win.
These small wins added up to significant transformation. But if I didn't acknowledge them, it was easy to feel like nothing was changing. Celebrating progress, even imperfect progress, kept me motivated to continue prioritizing peace.
✨ Key Takeaways
Peace isn't the absence of chaos or problems. It's developing internal calm regardless of external circumstances. You can't control Lagos traffic or NEPA, but you can control your internal response.
Awareness is the first step. Track what actually stresses you for a week. You'll discover most stress comes from things you can't control or obligations that don't align with your priorities.
Digital noise is killing your peace. Limit WhatsApp groups, set social media boundaries, reduce news consumption. Protect your mental space as carefully as you'd protect your physical space.
Boundaries aren't selfish, they're necessary. You can't be everything to everyone. Set clear limits with family, work, and social obligations. Some people will be upset. Your peace is still worth it.
Morning rituals set your daily tone. Protect the first hour after waking. No phone, no external demands. Just you, centering yourself before Lagos chaos begins.
Financial peace isn't about being rich. Build an emergency fund, even small amounts weekly. Live below your means. Diversify income. The financial buffer creates mental space you can't achieve while constantly in survival mode.
Choose peace over being right. Not every argument deserves your energy. Let go of toxic relationships. Communicate clearly and kindly. Accept you can't control others, only your responses.
Your physical environment affects your mental state. Declutter ruthlessly. Create zones of peace in your space. Add elements that genuinely calm you, even if they're simple and inexpensive.
Daily mental practices compound over time. Five-minute resets throughout the day. Genuine gratitude practice. Evening release rituals. These small habits create massive shifts in your baseline peace.
Maintaining peace requires non-negotiables. Identify 2-3 practices you won't skip no matter how chaotic life gets. These become your anchors when everything else is unstable.
Accept imperfection in your peace journey. You'll have bad days. You'll fall back into old patterns sometimes. That's human. What matters is the overall trajectory and your ability to return to center relatively quickly.
You need support and community. Find even 2-3 people who understand and support your commitment to peaceful living. Isolation makes this journey much harder than it needs to be.
Frequently Asked Questions
How long did it take you to build a genuinely peaceful life?
It didn't happen overnight. The breakdown that forced me to change happened in 2018. I started implementing these practices gradually over several months. Within 3-4 months, I noticed significant improvements in my daily stress levels and ability to handle chaos. By a year in, my baseline peace was completely different. But it's an ongoing practice, not a destination. Even now, I have to maintain these habits consciously. The difference is that maintaining peace feels natural now instead of forced, and returning to center after disruptions happens much faster than it used to.
What if my family doesn't understand or respect my boundaries?
Many won't understand, especially initially. Nigerian family culture prioritizes collective responsibility over individual wellbeing, so boundaries can feel like betrayal to others. You have two options: keep explaining and holding your boundaries even when it's uncomfortable, or sacrifice your peace trying to meet everyone's expectations. I chose the first. Some family members eventually understood. Others didn't, and those relationships remain strained. But my mental health and ability to genuinely help those I can support improved dramatically once I stopped trying to be everything to everyone. Your wellbeing has to come first, not because you don't love your family, but because you can't pour from an empty cup.
How do you maintain peace when dealing with Lagos traffic and infrastructure problems?
I stopped expecting Lagos to change and changed my relationship with its challenges instead. For traffic, I leave earlier than necessary and use the time for audiobooks or calm music instead of fighting the reality. For NEPA, I budget for power alternatives and stopped being emotionally reactive to blackouts. For noise, I invested in earplugs and sound management. The key shift was accepting these challenges as permanent features of Lagos life rather than temporary problems to rage against. I can't fix Lagos infrastructure, but I can control my response to it. That acceptance alone reduced daily stress dramatically.
Is it selfish to prioritize my peace when people around me are struggling?
No. This thinking keeps many Nigerians trapped in cycles of stress and burnout. You cannot effectively help others when you're drowning. Prioritizing your peace isn't about ignoring others' needs, it's about ensuring you have the capacity to genuinely help when and how you choose. I help more people now, more effectively, than I did when I was constantly overwhelmed trying to meet everyone's expectations. The difference is I help from a place of choice and capacity rather than guilt and depletion. Set your own oxygen mask first, as they say on planes. It's not selfish, it's sustainable.
What if I can't afford some of the things you mentioned like plants or better lighting?
Most of what I described requires minimal money and maximum intention. The most powerful practices, morning routine, boundaries, mental practices, gratitude, release rituals, cost nothing. Decluttering is free. Leaving WhatsApp groups is free. Setting work boundaries is free. If you can't afford plants, open your windows for natural light. If you can't buy special lighting, rearrange furniture to maximize what you have. The core of peaceful living isn't about purchasing things, it's about making intentional choices with what you already have. Start with the free practices. They're actually the most powerful ones anyway.
How do you handle setbacks without losing all your progress?
Setbacks are inevitable. I still have bad days, weeks even, where I fall back into old patterns or external circumstances overwhelm my peace practices. The difference now is I don't see setbacks as failure. I see them as information about what needs attention. When I notice I'm stressed again, I ask: What boundary did I let slip? What practice did I abandon? What am I trying to control that I can't? Usually the answer is obvious, and I can course-correct relatively quickly. Progress isn't linear. What matters is the overall trend and your ability to recognize when you've gotten off track and consciously choose to return to your peace practices.
Founder of Daily Reality NG. Helping everyday Nigerians navigate life, business, and digital opportunities since 2016. I've helped over 4,000 readers start making money online, and my sites currently serve 800,000+ monthly visitors across Africa. Samson Ese has been helping Nigerians build wealth online since 2016. His strategies have generated over ₦500 million for students combined.
💬 We'd Love to Hear from You!
Building a peaceful life is a deeply personal journey, and I'd love to hear about yours. Let's continue this conversation in the comments:
What's the biggest obstacle to peace in your current life? Is it financial stress, relationship drama, work pressure, or something else entirely? Share what's really challenging you right now.
Which practice from this article resonates most with you? The morning ritual? Setting boundaries? The noise detox? Tell us what you're planning to try first and why.
Have you ever had a breakdown moment that forced you to change? What happened, and how did it transform your approach to life? Your story might help someone else who's struggling right now.
How do you handle the cultural pressure to always be "hustling" in Nigeria? Do you feel guilty when you prioritize rest and peace over constant productivity? How do you navigate that tension?
What's one boundary you need to set but have been avoiding? Sometimes saying it out loud (or typing it out) is the first step toward actually doing it. What's stopping you?
Share your thoughts, experiences, or questions in the comments below. Let's build a community of Nigerians committed to peaceful, intentional living despite the chaos around us. Your story matters, and someone reading this might need to hear exactly what you have to say.
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