Culture Shock: Adapting to Life in Foreign Countries
Real experiences, emotional struggles, and practical strategies for Nigerian immigrants navigating life abroad
Welcome to Daily Reality NG, where we break down real-life issues with honesty and clarity. Today, we're talking about something rarely discussed with full transparency—culture shock and what it really takes to adapt to life in foreign countries.
I'm Samson Ese, founder of Daily Reality NG. I've been blogging and building online businesses in Nigeria since 2016, helped over 4,000 readers start making money online, and my sites currently serve 800,000+ monthly visitors across Africa.
Let me tell you about Adaeze. When she landed at Toronto Pearson International Airport on a cold November evening in 2022, she felt a mix of excitement and terror. She'd sold her car, said tearful goodbyes to family, and left behind everything familiar in Lagos for this moment.
Her first week was overwhelming but manageable. The snow was beautiful. The clean streets were impressive. The functioning systems felt almost magical after years of NEPA disappointments and Lagos traffic. Her Instagram stories showed excitement—new apartment, snow falling outside her window, Canadian flag emoji, caption: "God is good!"
But by week three, something shifted. The excitement faded, replaced by a heavy, exhausting feeling she couldn't quite name. She'd cry unexpectedly—sometimes while making breakfast, sometimes on the subway heading to her new job. Small things felt insurmountably difficult. Grocery shopping took two hours because she didn't know which products to buy. She couldn't understand why Canadians smiled at her but never invited her anywhere. She missed jollof rice, missed hearing Yoruba, missed the chaos she used to complain about.
"I thought something was wrong with me," she told me during a video call last month. "I'd achieved what I'd been working toward for three years—moving to Canada—and I was miserable. I felt like a failure for not being happier."
What Adaeze was experiencing wasn't failure. It was culture shock—a psychological and emotional response to being immersed in an unfamiliar culture. And it's far more common, complex, and challenging than most people admit before relocating.
The Instagram posts show happy immigrants thriving abroad. What they don't show are the 2 AM crying sessions, the crushing loneliness, the identity confusion, the exhaustion of existing in a culture where nothing feels natural. They don't show the months or even years it takes to feel genuinely comfortable again.
This article isn't meant to discourage anyone from relocating—it's meant to prepare you honestly. Because understanding culture shock, recognizing its stages, and having practical strategies to navigate it can be the difference between thriving abroad and returning home defeated.
If you're already abroad struggling with adjustment, you're not alone and you're not failing. If you're planning to relocate, this is what to actually expect. And if you're wondering whether to japa or stay in Nigeria, understanding culture shock is a critical part of making an informed decision.
What Is Culture Shock Really?
Culture shock isn't just feeling surprised by cultural differences. It's a comprehensive psychological, emotional, and sometimes physical response to being immersed in an environment where all your familiar reference points have disappeared.
Think about how much of your daily life in Nigeria operates on autopilot. You know how to negotiate with okada riders. You understand what it means when someone says "I'm coming" (they're actually going). You know which body language signals respect, which greetings fit which situations, how close to stand when talking, what humor is appropriate when.
You've spent decades absorbing these unwritten rules unconsciously. They're not things you think about—they're just how life works. This unconscious cultural competence is what makes you feel comfortable and confident navigating your environment.
Now imagine all of that erased overnight. Suddenly, you don't know the rules anymore. Should you tip this person? Was that comment friendly or passive-aggressive? Why did everyone laugh—what did you miss? Is this normal weather or should you be concerned? The grocery store has 47 types of milk—which one is just regular milk?
💡 The Mental Load of Cultural Translation
Every single interaction requires active thought. Nothing is automatic anymore. You're constantly translating—not just language, but culture, context, intention. This continuous cognitive load is exhausting in ways people who haven't experienced it cannot understand. It's why many immigrants feel constantly tired despite not doing anything particularly strenuous.
Culture shock manifests differently for different people, but common symptoms include:
Emotional: Unexplained sadness, irritability, anxiety, mood swings, feeling overwhelmed by simple tasks, homesickness that hits in waves, anger at both your new culture and your home culture.
Physical: Fatigue despite adequate sleep, appetite changes, digestive issues, headaches, disrupted sleep patterns, getting sick more frequently.
Behavioral: Withdrawing socially, obsessively consuming media from home, idealizing Nigeria while criticizing your new country, or conversely, rejecting everything Nigerian to force assimilation.
Cognitive: Difficulty concentrating, forgetfulness, feeling confused or disoriented, struggling to make decisions, reduced confidence in your abilities.
What makes culture shock particularly challenging is that it's often invisible. Your new colleagues see you functioning—you show up to work, you complete tasks, you respond when spoken to. They don't see that you spent 20 minutes in the cereal aisle yesterday paralyzed by choice, that you cried on your commute home, that you're constantly second-guessing whether you're doing things "right."
Before traveling, understanding essential travel tips can help you prepare mentally and logistically for the journey ahead.
The Four Stages of Culture Shock
Culture shock typically follows a predictable pattern, though the duration and intensity of each stage varies by individual. Understanding these stages helps you recognize where you are in the process and know that what you're feeling is normal.
Stage 1: The Honeymoon Phase (Weeks 1-4)
Everything is exciting and new. Differences feel fascinating rather than frustrating. You're running on adrenaline and enthusiasm. This is the "Instagram phase" where everything seems perfect. The snow is beautiful, the systems are efficient, the opportunities feel endless. You're comparing everything favorably to Nigeria's challenges. Many people in this phase think they won't experience culture shock at all—they feel like they're adapting brilliantly.
Stage 2: The Crisis Phase (Months 1-6)
Reality hits. The novelty wears off and you're left dealing with actual life—which is now much harder than it used to be. Small frustrations feel massive. You start noticing everything you dislike about your new country. You idealize Nigeria, forgetting why you left. You might feel angry, depressed, homesick, lonely, or all of the above. This is the hardest phase, where many people either give up and return home or push through to the next stage. Adaeze hit this phase hard around month two—she found herself crying while eating instant noodles, missing Nigerian party jollof rice so intensely it physically hurt.
Stage 3: The Adjustment Phase (Months 6-12)
You start developing strategies and routines. Things that were confusing become familiar. You make a few friends. You figure out which grocery store you prefer and which milk to buy. You stop comparing everything to Nigeria constantly. You have good days and bad days, but the bad days are less frequent and less intense. You're not happy all the time, but you're functioning better. You start seeing your new country more objectively—neither perfect nor terrible, just different.
Stage 4: The Adaptation Phase (Year 1+)
You've developed a new normal. You have routines, friends, familiar places. You can navigate your environment with relative ease. You've integrated aspects of your new culture while maintaining your Nigerian identity. You might even find yourself defending your new country to visitors or explaining it to newcomers. But adaptation doesn't mean you never miss home or never feel out of place—it just means those feelings don't dominate your daily experience anymore. You've built a life that works, even if it's different from the life you imagined.
⚠️ Important: Not Everyone Follows This Exact Timeline
Some people skip the honeymoon phase entirely and go straight to crisis. Others cycle back through crisis even after seemingly adjusting. Major life changes (job loss, relationship ending, health issues) can trigger regression to earlier stages. Don't judge your experience by rigid timelines—adaptation is personal and non-linear.
Adaeze is now in year three abroad. She's solidly in the adaptation phase—she has Nigerian friends, understands Canadian social norms, knows which Caribbean restaurant makes the best jollof rice approximation. But she still has hard days where everything feels wrong and she wants to be back in Lagos immediately. That's normal too.
Common Culture Shock Triggers for Nigerian Immigrants
While every immigrant's experience is unique, certain triggers consistently affect Nigerians adjusting to life in Western countries. Recognizing these helps you understand your reactions and develop targeted coping strategies.
Communication Style Differences
Nigerian communication tends to be warm, expressive, and communal. We greet everyone, we speak loudly to show enthusiasm, we interrupt to show engagement, we use physical touch to emphasize connection. Many of these behaviors are considered rude or aggressive in countries like Canada, UK, or US.
Conversely, Western directness can feel cold and offensive to Nigerians. When someone says "no" outright instead of finding a polite way to decline, it feels harsh. When colleagues don't ask about your family or weekend, it feels like they don't care. When people schedule coffee meetings two weeks in advance instead of suggesting "let's link up," it feels artificial.
You start second-guessing everything. Am I being too loud? Too friendly? Not friendly enough? Should I have said that differently? This constant self-monitoring is exhausting.
The Weather (Yes, Really)
This sounds trivial until you experience it. Nigerian winters abroad—especially in Canada or Northern Europe—are psychologically brutal. It's not just cold; it's darkness. Sunset at 4:30 PM. Waking up in darkness, coming home in darkness. The lack of sunlight affects mood, energy, and mental health more than most people anticipate.
Many Nigerian immigrants report that their worst culture shock moments happen during winter. The isolation feels worse when it's too cold to go outside. The homesickness intensifies when you can't even see the sun. Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) is common but rarely discussed in immigration conversations.
Food and Taste of Home
You can find African stores abroad, but the food isn't quite right. The plantain doesn't taste the same. The pepper isn't as fresh. That thing they call "jollof rice" at Nigerian restaurants is... not it. And the craving for specific foods becomes emotional, not just physical.
Adaeze told me she cried the first time she tasted proper party jollof rice at a Nigerian wedding in Toronto—not because it was amazing, but because it reminded her viscerally of everything she'd left behind.
💭 The Symbolism of Food
Food represents more than nutrition—it's connection to home, culture, memory, identity. When you can't easily access the foods you grew up with, you're not just hungry for the taste. You're hungry for the feeling of belonging, the memories attached to those meals, the cultural identity they represent. This is why food becomes such an emotional trigger for many immigrants.
Social Interaction Patterns
In Nigeria, if you need something, you call someone who knows someone. Community and connection solve problems. Abroad, everything is official, formal, structured. You can't just "know guy" your way through bureaucracy. You can't call a friend's uncle who works at the agency. Everything requires official channels, documentation, waiting periods.
This can feel isolating and frustrating. Problems that would take one phone call in Nigeria require weeks of paperwork abroad. The efficiency you expected is there for some things, absent for others, and always impersonal.
Racial Awareness and "Otherness"
In Nigeria, you're just... Nigerian. Your race isn't something you think about constantly. Abroad—especially in predominantly white countries—you become hyperaware that you're "other." You're followed in stores. You're asked where you're "really" from. You're told you "speak English well" as if that's surprising. Your hair, your name, your accent become topics of constant commentary.
This constant awareness of being different is mentally exhausting. You can't just exist—you're always representing something, explaining something, proving something. Even well-meaning people make you feel like a curiosity rather than a person.
For insights into navigating international relationships and understanding different perspectives, you might find Nigeria-US relations dynamics informative about broader cultural contexts.
Language Barriers Beyond Words
Even if you speak fluent English, language barriers exist. This surprises many Nigerian immigrants because we assume English proficiency means communication won't be an issue. Wrong.
Accent and Comprehension
Your accent is strong—not wrong, just different. Native speakers sometimes struggle to understand you. You have to repeat yourself constantly. Customer service representatives ask "sorry?" three times. You start speaking slower, enunciating more carefully, choosing simpler words. This makes you sound less intelligent than you are, which is frustrating and humiliating.
Meanwhile, their accents and idioms confuse you. Regional slang, cultural references, TV show jokes that everyone understands except you. You laugh when others laugh, not because you got the joke but because you don't want to seem out of place.
Professional Communication Differences
Nigerian professional communication is often more formal and deferential. We say "Good morning sir/ma" even to peers. We use elaborate greetings. We build rapport before business.
Western workplace communication is more direct and casual. Colleagues use first names immediately. Emails are brief and to the point. Meetings get straight to business. Small talk is minimal. At first, this feels rude and cold. You might over-correct by being too formal, which makes you seem stiff or unfriendly.
Learning these unwritten communication norms takes time and involves many awkward mistakes. You'll say the wrong thing, misinterpret tone in emails, miss sarcasm, take jokes seriously. These small communication failures accumulate into significant social stress.
Code-Switching Exhaustion
Code-switching—adjusting your language, accent, behavior to fit different contexts—becomes a survival skill abroad. You speak one way at work, another with Nigerian friends, another at home. This constant shifting is mentally draining.
Some immigrants find themselves losing fluency in their native languages while never feeling fully comfortable in English. Your Yoruba/Igbo/Hausa gets rusty because you rarely use it. Your English feels forced because you're always self-conscious about your accent. You end up feeling linguistically homeless—not quite comfortable in any language.
✅ Finding Your Voice
Over time, many immigrants develop their own hybrid communication style—part Nigerian, part adopted country, uniquely theirs. This isn't losing your identity or fully assimilating. It's creating something new that allows you to navigate both worlds more comfortably. Give yourself permission to evolve linguistically without guilt.
Identity Crisis: Who Am I Now?
Perhaps the most profound aspect of culture shock is the identity confusion it triggers. You left Nigeria as one person and are becoming... someone else. But who?
The Hyphen Struggle
You're Nigerian-Canadian, Nigerian-British, Nigerian-American—that hyphen represents the in-between space where you increasingly exist. You're not fully Nigerian anymore (you've changed, adapted, absorbed new perspectives). But you're also not fully Canadian/British/American (and maybe never will be).
This in-between identity can feel like belonging nowhere. When you visit Nigeria, people say you've "changed," you "act white now," you're "too oyinbo." When you're abroad, you're always "the Nigerian"—your identity reduced to your origin.
For your children, this becomes even more complex. They're growing up in a culture different from yours, with values and experiences that might conflict with what you want to teach them about their Nigerian heritage. Watching them become culturally different from you can be painful.
Values Conflicts
You start noticing your values shifting. Things that seemed obvious in Nigeria now seem complicated. Things you disagreed with about Western culture now make sense. This can feel like betraying your identity.
For example, Nigerian culture values communal obligation. Western culture values individual autonomy. In Nigeria, you help extended family without question. Abroad, setting boundaries is encouraged. Which value system do you follow? How do you reconcile them?
Many immigrants end up adopting a hybrid value system—taking what works from each culture. But developing this hybrid identity is messy, uncomfortable, and can leave you feeling like you don't fully belong to either culture.
Success and Guilt
If you start thriving abroad, you might feel guilty. Guilty for leaving family behind. Guilty for enjoying opportunities they don't have. Guilty for preferring some aspects of life abroad. This guilt can prevent you from fully embracing your new life.
Conversely, if you're struggling, you feel shame. You're supposed to be succeeding in the land of opportunity. You're supposed to be posting success stories. Instead, you're barely surviving, and admitting that feels like failure.
💡 Identity Evolution, Not Betrayal
Your identity changing doesn't mean you've lost your Nigerian-ness. It means you're growing, adapting, integrating new experiences. You can love both countries. You can criticize both countries. You can pick and choose which cultural values resonate with you. Your identity belongs to you—define it on your terms, not according to anyone else's expectations.
For young people navigating these transitions, understanding life after graduation challenges can provide context for decision-making about whether to stay or go.
Practical Strategies for Adaptation
Understanding culture shock is important, but what you really need are actionable strategies to navigate it. Here's what actually helps, based on experiences from dozens of Nigerian immigrants who've successfully adapted.
Build Community Intentionally
Community won't find you—you have to actively seek it. Join Nigerian associations, African student groups, cultural organizations. Attend events even when you don't feel like it. Volunteer. Take classes. Join sports leagues or hobby groups. Say yes to invitations even when socializing feels exhausting.
Look specifically for groups where you share interests beyond nationality. A Nigerian book club, a Nigerian professional association, a church with strong West African membership. The more specific your shared interests, the deeper the connections you'll build.
Also, don't limit yourself only to Nigerian communities. Friendships with locals and other immigrants provide different types of support and help you understand your new culture better.
Create Rituals and Routines
When everything feels uncertain, routines provide stability. Establish regular patterns—weekly video calls with family, Sunday Nigerian meal preparation, monthly meetups with Nigerian friends, annual trips home if financially feasible.
Create a "home corner" in your apartment—Nigerian music, artwork, familiar scents, photos. Having a physical space that feels culturally familiar provides emotional refuge when adjustment feels overwhelming.
Celebrate Nigerian holidays and traditions, even alone. Cook special meals, wear traditional clothes, play Nigerian music. Maintaining these cultural practices isn't dwelling in the past—it's honoring your identity while building your future.
Protect Your Digital Wellbeing
Social media can be both helpful and harmful during adjustment. It keeps you connected to home but also makes you constantly compare your behind-the-scenes reality to everyone else's highlight reel.
Be intentional about your consumption. Follow accounts that provide practical immigrant advice and community support. Limit following accounts that only post glamorous abroad life (triggering guilt if you're struggling) or only post about Nigerian problems (triggering guilt if you're thriving).
Given the increase in online threats globally, understanding cybersecurity basics becomes especially important as you establish your digital life abroad. Also be aware of recent data breaches and take steps to protect your information through digital security practices, especially since data privacy laws differ between countries.
Professional Mental Health Support
Therapy isn't just for "serious" problems. Cultural adjustment is a legitimate reason to seek professional support. Look for therapists who specialize in immigrant experiences or have experience with cultural adjustment issues.
Many immigrants resist therapy due to stigma or cost concerns. But addressing mental health early prevents bigger problems later. Many workplaces offer Employee Assistance Programs (EAP) with free counseling sessions. Universities provide student counseling. Community health centers often have sliding scale fees.
If you can't access therapy, consider support groups for immigrants or expats. Sharing experiences with people who understand provides validation that you're not failing—you're adjusting.
Stay Physically Active
Exercise helps manage stress, improves mood, provides routine, and offers social opportunities. Join a gym, take fitness classes, find walking/running groups, play recreational sports.
Physical activity is especially crucial during winter months when darkness and cold exacerbate depression. Even 20-minute daily walks make significant mental health differences.
Learn the Culture Actively
Don't just passively absorb culture—actively study it. Read books about your new country's history and culture. Watch local TV shows and movies. Follow local news. Ask questions when you don't understand something.
Take classes on local customs if available. Many cities offer newcomer orientation programs specifically designed to teach cultural norms, social expectations, and practical navigation skills.
The more you understand why things work the way they do, the less frustrated you'll feel by cultural differences. Knowledge reduces anxiety.
✅ The Adaptation Mindset
Approach cultural adjustment as a skill you're developing, not a test you're failing. Every awkward interaction is practice. Every mistake is learning. Every uncomfortable moment builds resilience. You're not bad at this—you're in process. Be patient with yourself. Adaptation takes time, and that's normal.
Maintain Nigerian Connections Strategically
Stay connected to home, but set boundaries. Weekly family video calls are great. Daily guilt-inducing calls about every problem are draining. Share your life honestly but don't feel obligated to justify every choice.
Be selective about who you confide in about struggles. Not everyone back home will understand culture shock. Some will judge you for "complaining" when you're supposedly living in paradise. Find trusted people who support you without guilt.
Give Yourself Permission to Feel
Stop suppressing difficult emotions. It's okay to be sad, angry, frustrated, overwhelmed. It's okay to miss home. It's okay to regret relocating. It's okay to love your new country while still feeling out of place.
Many immigrants try to stay positive constantly, which backfires. Suppressed emotions intensify. Instead, acknowledge feelings without judgment. "I'm feeling really homesick today, and that's okay." "I'm frustrated by this cultural difference, and that's okay." "I'm grieving my old life, and that's okay."
Paradoxically, accepting difficult feelings often makes them less overwhelming than trying to eliminate them.
Long-Term Adjustment: What Success Actually Looks Like
Successful cultural adaptation doesn't mean becoming indistinguishable from locals. It doesn't mean never missing home. It doesn't mean you're happy all the time. Here's what realistic long-term adjustment actually involves:
Comfortable with Discomfort
You accept that some things will always feel slightly foreign. That's okay. You stop expecting to ever feel completely at home, and paradoxically, this acceptance allows you to relax.
You still have hard days. You still miss Nigeria intensely sometimes. But these feelings don't dominate your daily experience anymore. They're part of the immigrant experience, not signs you've failed.
Hybrid Identity
You develop a unique identity that draws from both cultures. You're Nigerian and Canadian/British/American, not Nigerian or Canadian/British/American. You embrace the hyphen instead of resenting it.
Your Nigerian friends abroad understand parts of your experience that your family in Nigeria doesn't. Your local friends understand parts that your Nigerian friends don't. You need different communities for different needs, and that's fine.
Cultural Flexibility
You become skilled at code-switching—not because you're fake, but because you genuinely understand and can navigate multiple cultural contexts. You know which behaviors fit which situations. This flexibility is a strength, not a compromise.
You can enjoy both Nigerian parties and local gatherings. You appreciate both cultures' strengths and acknowledge both cultures' weaknesses. You're not torn between worlds—you're fluent in multiple worlds.
Redefining Home
Home becomes more complex. Nigeria is home in one way—it's where you're from, where your family is, what shaped you. Your new country is home in another way—it's where you live, where your daily life happens, where you're building your future.
Some immigrants develop a "third culture" mindset where home isn't a single place but a state of being comfortable with multiple places and none. You're not from anywhere specific anymore—you're from everywhere you've lived and nowhere simultaneously.
This can feel like loss, but it's also liberation. You're not defined by one geographic location or one cultural identity. You're more complex, more nuanced, more adaptable.
💡 Measuring Adaptation Success
You know you've successfully adapted when: You can navigate daily life without constant anxiety. You have friends you can call when you need support. You feel competent at work and in social situations. You can appreciate both cultures without idealizing or demonizing either. You make decisions based on what works for you, not what others expect. You're building a life that feels authentic, even if it looks different from what you imagined.
For a firsthand account of navigating cultural adaptation, check out this honest perspective from London that captures many of these adjustment challenges.
Key Takeaways: Culture Shock and Adaptation
- Culture shock is normal, not failure. Nearly all immigrants experience it regardless of how well-prepared they think they are. Experiencing difficulty adjusting doesn't mean you made the wrong decision or that you're weak—it means you're human.
- The four stages are predictable but personal. Most people move through honeymoon, crisis, adjustment, and adaptation phases, but your timeline and intensity will be unique. Don't compare your journey to others'.
- Social isolation is the hardest challenge for most Nigerian immigrants. The communal culture we're from makes individualistic cultures feel lonely and cold. Building community requires intentional, sustained effort—it won't happen automatically.
- Language barriers exist even when you speak English fluently. Accent differences, cultural references, communication styles, and unwritten social rules create barriers beyond vocabulary. Be patient with yourself as you learn these nuances.
- Identity confusion is part of the process. You're not losing your Nigerian identity—you're developing a more complex, hybrid identity. This evolution is natural and doesn't require you to choose one culture over another.
- The weather affects mental health more than expected. Seasonal changes, especially winter darkness, significantly impact mood and adjustment. Prepare for this with vitamin D, light therapy, and extra mental health support during difficult seasons.
- Community building must be intentional. Friendships and support systems won't find you. Join groups, attend events, volunteer, take classes, say yes to invitations. Building community takes active effort and time.
- Professional mental health support is valuable, not shameful. Therapy for cultural adjustment is legitimate and helpful. Early intervention prevents bigger problems. Utilize workplace EAPs, student counseling, or community health resources.
- Successful adaptation doesn't mean complete comfort. You'll always feel slightly foreign in some contexts. That's okay. Success means functioning well despite discomfort, not eliminating discomfort entirely.
- Give yourself at least 12-18 months before judging the decision. The first year is the hardest. Many people who consider giving up in month 6 are thriving by month 18. Commit to the timeline before making permanent decisions based on temporary feelings.
Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ)
How long does culture shock typically last?
The crisis phase of culture shock typically lasts 3-6 months, but the overall adjustment process takes 12-24 months for most people. Some individuals adapt faster, others take longer. Factors affecting duration include: previous international experience, language fluency, social support networks, similarity between home and host culture, personality traits like openness and resilience, and whether you have existing connections in your new country. Do not judge yourself if your adjustment takes longer than others—everyone's journey is unique. The important thing is progress, not speed.
Is it normal to regret relocating and want to return home?
Absolutely yes, especially during the crisis phase of culture shock. Most immigrants experience moments of intense regret and homesickness. This does not necessarily mean you made the wrong decision—it often means you are in the hardest part of adjustment. Give yourself at least 12-18 months before making permanent decisions based on these feelings. Many people who seriously considered returning home during their first year are glad they stayed by their second year. However, if after genuine effort and time you are still miserable, returning home is a valid choice. There is no shame in deciding a particular place is not right for you.
How do I deal with feeling like I do not belong anywhere?
This feeling of being between cultures is common among immigrants and is sometimes called third culture identity. Strategies that help include: connecting with other immigrants who understand this in-between feeling, reframing it as having multiple homes rather than no home, building communities in both places that accept your hybrid identity, finding creative or professional outlets to express your unique bicultural perspective, and accepting that belonging is not about fitting perfectly into one box but about building meaningful connections wherever you are. Many long-term immigrants eventually see this hybrid identity as a strength and source of richness rather than a deficit.
Should I try to fully assimilate or maintain my Nigerian identity?
False dichotomy—you do not have to choose. Healthy adaptation involves integration, not complete assimilation. This means learning to navigate your new culture while maintaining your Nigerian identity and values. You can participate in local culture, develop local friendships, and adapt to local norms while still speaking your language at home, celebrating Nigerian holidays, cooking Nigerian food, and maintaining Nigerian values. The goal is not to become indistinguishable from locals but to become competent and comfortable in both cultural contexts. Define your own hybrid identity based on what feels authentic to you, not what others think you should do.
How do I maintain relationships with family and friends in Nigeria?
Maintaining international relationships requires intentionality and boundaries. Schedule regular video calls at consistent times so people can anticipate them. Use WhatsApp for daily light contact without pressure for long conversations. Share photos and updates through social media to keep people involved in your life. Visit home when financially feasible, but do not feel guilty if visits are infrequent—quality matters more than frequency. Be honest about your life abroad, including challenges, but also set boundaries about constant requests for money or solutions to every problem. Accept that some relationships will naturally fade while others strengthen. Focus energy on relationships that are reciprocal and supportive rather than one-sided or guilt-based.
What if my partner or family is not adjusting well?
Family members often adjust at different rates, which creates tension. The person who initiated the move might adjust faster because they feel more agency. Spouses who cannot work initially often struggle more with isolation. Children adjust at different rates depending on age. Address this by: acknowledging everyone's feelings are valid even if different, creating family rituals that provide stability and connection, ensuring each family member has their own support network and activities, considering family counseling if conflict becomes serious, and being willing to make difficult decisions including returning home if a family member is genuinely suffering despite efforts to adjust. Sometimes love means prioritizing family wellbeing over career advancement or other relocation benefits.
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