Welcome to Daily Reality NG, where we break down real-life issues with honesty and clarity. Today, I want to talk about something that affects every single one of us — lying. Whether you've been lied to by a partner, a friend, a boss, or even caught yourself bending the truth, understanding why people lie can completely change how you navigate relationships and protect your peace.
I'm Samson Ese, founder of Daily Reality NG. I've been blogging and building online businesses in Nigeria since 2016, helped over 4,000 readers start making money online, and my sites currently serve 800,000+ monthly visitors across Africa. Over the years, I've studied human behavior extensively — not just for content creation, but to understand the people I work with, the readers I serve, and the relationships that matter.
Let me tell you about my friend Chidi. Smart guy. University graduate. Works in Lekki. We'd been friends since our secondary school days in Warri. One afternoon in 2022, we were sitting at a bukka near CMS, eating rice and stew, when he casually mentioned he'd landed a "huge contract" worth ₦5 million.
I was genuinely happy for him. We talked about how he'd invest the money, maybe start a side business, help his mum back home. He even showed me a fake WhatsApp screenshot of the supposed payment notification. Everything looked real.
Three months later, I ran into his colleague at a wedding in Ikeja. Casually, I congratulated her on their company's big win. She looked confused. "What contract?" she asked. That's when the truth came out. There was no contract. Chidi had been gambling online, lost his salary, and was too ashamed to admit he was broke. The lie wasn't to impress me — it was to convince himself he was still in control.
That moment changed how I viewed lying. It's rarely about the other person. Most times, people lie to protect their own fragile sense of self. They lie because they're scared, insecure, or desperately trying to maintain an image that's already crumbling.
If you've ever been lied to and felt that deep, gut-wrenching betrayal, this article is for you. If you've ever wondered why someone you trusted could look you in the eye and fabricate an entire story, keep reading. Truth be told, understanding why people lie won't erase the pain, but it will give you power — the power to spot deception earlier, protect yourself better, and stop taking other people's dishonesty personally.
🧬 Why Lying Exists in Human Nature
Here's what nobody tells you about lying: it's built into us. Not because we're evil or inherently dishonest, but because deception served an evolutionary purpose. Our ancestors who could successfully deceive predators, rivals, or threats had a better chance of survival.
Researchers at the University of Massachusetts found that 60 percent of people lie at least once during a 10-minute conversation. That's not a Nigerian statistic — that's global. Some lies are harmless ("your jollof rice is the best I've ever tasted"). Others destroy lives.
Real Talk: Many Nigerians know this struggle — the pressure to lie about your financial situation during family gatherings. You just finished paying rent with your last salary, but when Uncle Emeka asks how business is going, you smile and say "we're managing, by God's grace." That's survival lying. We do it to avoid judgment, unsolicited advice, or becoming the family's ATM machine.
Psychologically, lying activates the same reward centers in our brain as eating chocolate or winning money. When we successfully deceive someone and avoid negative consequences, our brain releases dopamine. It feels good. That's dangerous, because it means lying can become addictive.
The truth is, we live in a society that sometimes rewards deception more than honesty. The guy who exaggerates his CV gets the job over the honest applicant. The politician who promises impossible dreams wins elections. The relationship where both partners pretend everything is fine lasts longer than the one where hard truths are spoken. This creates a feedback loop where lying becomes normalized.
🧠 7 Psychological Reasons Why People Lie
Let me break down the real psychological drivers behind dishonesty. I've seen these patterns play out countless times — in my own life, in my readers' stories, and in the Nigerian society we navigate daily.
1. Fear of Consequences
This is the most common reason. Your girlfriend asks if you've been texting your ex. The truth is yes, but admitting it means a massive fight, tears, possibly a breakup. So you lie. "No baby, I haven't spoken to her in months."
Your boss asks why the report is late. The truth is you forgot. But saying that might cost you the promotion you've been working toward. So you blame it on "network issues" or "the system being slow."
According to a study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, people lie most frequently when they perceive the cost of honesty as higher than the cost of deception. In Nigeria, where consequences can be severe — losing your job, damaging family honor, facing public shame — this type of lying becomes almost instinctive.
2. Protection of Self-Image
Remember my friend Chidi? His lie about the ₦5 million contract wasn't really about impressing me. It was about protecting his own self-image. He needed to believe he was still the successful, responsible guy he'd always imagined himself to be.
Many people lie to maintain a version of themselves that exists only in their heads. The unemployed graduate who tells everyone she's "consulting." The struggling entrepreneur who rents exotic cars for Instagram photos. The married man who swears he's single because admitting his marriage failed feels like admitting he failed as a person.
Real Example: I used to lie about how much money my blog was making when people asked. Not because I wanted to brag, but because admitting I was struggling felt like admitting I'd made the wrong choice leaving my 9-to-5. It took me months to realize that lying about my struggles was preventing me from getting the help and advice I actually needed. When I finally started being honest about my numbers, other bloggers connected me with opportunities that actually moved me forward. Read my full journey here.
3. Desire for Control
Some people lie because withholding truth makes them feel powerful. The partner who lies about where they were last night isn't just hiding an affair — they're maintaining control over the narrative of the relationship.
Your colleague who lies about what was discussed in the meeting with the boss isn't just being petty — they're manipulating information to stay politically advantageous at work.
Information is power. Controlling what others know means controlling how they perceive reality. This is why toxic people often lie about small, seemingly insignificant things. It's practice. It's maintaining dominance.
4. Social Pressure and Expectations
If we talk am well, Nigerian society thrives on appearances. How many times have you heard "what will people say?" used as a reason for major life decisions?
The young man who lies about having a girlfriend because his family keeps asking when he's bringing someone home. The woman who lies about her age because society says she should be married by now. The entrepreneur who exaggerates his business success because admitting he's still struggling means facing endless "I told you so" from relatives who never supported his dream.
A survey by the Nigerian Psychological Association found that 73 percent of young Nigerians admitted to lying about their personal circumstances to meet family or societal expectations. We lie because the truth doesn't fit the script society wrote for us.
5. Avoidance of Emotional Labor
Sometimes people lie simply because telling the truth requires emotional work they're not willing to do. Breaking up with someone honestly means having difficult conversations, seeing them hurt, dealing with your own guilt. Ghosting them or making up excuses is emotionally easier.
Telling your friend her business idea won't work requires you to be vulnerable, risk the friendship, and potentially watch her fail anyway. Saying "it sounds great" and letting her find out herself is less emotionally taxing for you in the moment.
The truth is, honesty is work. It requires emotional intelligence, courage, and the willingness to sit with discomfort. Many people would rather lie than do that work.
Quick Insight: If someone consistently lies to you about small things, they're not just careless with the truth — they're showing you that avoiding discomfort matters more to them than respecting your right to accurate information. Pay attention to that pattern. For more on recognizing toxic patterns, check out our guide on spotting gaslighting and manipulation.
6. Pathological Lying (Compulsive Deception)
This one is different. Some people lie even when the truth would serve them better. They lie about things that don't matter, things that can easily be verified, things that make no logical sense to fabricate.
Pathological liars often have underlying psychological conditions — narcissistic personality disorder, antisocial personality disorder, or borderline personality disorder. According to research published in Psychiatric Times, pathological lying affects roughly 1 in 1,000 people, though the actual number may be higher because most pathological liars never seek treatment.
These individuals don't lie for gain. They lie because it's become their default mode of interaction with reality. The lie feels more comfortable than the truth. If you've ever dealt with someone who lies about provable facts, contradicts themselves constantly, and seems genuinely unbothered when caught, you might be dealing with a pathological liar.
7. Strategic Advantage
Let's keep it real — some people lie because it works. The businessperson who lies about having other buyers interested in closing a deal. The job applicant who exaggerates their experience. The politician who promises what they know they can't deliver.
In Lagos traffic, when you tell the conductor you only have ₦200 instead of ₦500, you're lying for strategic advantage. When you tell the landlord you're "a quiet, church-going person" while planning to throw parties every weekend, you're lying to gain access to something you want.
Harvard Business Review published a study showing that people in competitive environments lie 37 percent more frequently than those in cooperative environments. When success is defined as winning over others rather than collaboration, lying becomes a rational strategy. Immoral, yes. But rational.
🎭 Types of Liars You'll Meet in Your Lifetime
Not all liars are the same. Understanding the different types helps you know what you're dealing with and how to protect yourself accordingly.
The Occasional Liar
This is most of us. We lie occasionally, usually in low-stakes situations, often to be polite or avoid unnecessary conflict. "Your new haircut looks great!" when it actually doesn't. "Sorry I'm late, traffic was mad" when you actually just woke up late.
These lies are situational, not character-defining. The occasional liar feels guilty when caught and will usually come clean if pressed. They're not trying to manipulate or harm — they're just trying to navigate social situations with minimal friction.
The White Liar
White liars believe their lies are harmless or even helpful. They lie to spare feelings, maintain harmony, or avoid awkwardness. Your aunt who tells your cousin her failed business was "just bad timing" instead of admitting her business model was flawed. Your friend who assures you your ex is definitely going to regret leaving you, even though they're clearly thriving.
The problem with white liars is they often rob you of important information you need to grow. Sometimes you need to hear hard truths, not comforting lies.
The Compulsive Liar
Compulsive liars lie habitually, often without clear motive. They might lie about what they had for breakfast, where they went yesterday, or who they spoke to on the phone — things that don't matter and don't benefit them.
Psychologists believe compulsive lying often stems from childhood trauma, low self-esteem, or learned behavior. These people aren't malicious, but they're exhausting to be around because you can never trust what they say. Every conversation requires fact-checking.
Warning Sign: If you find yourself constantly having to verify basic information someone tells you, or if their stories change depending on who they're talking to, you're likely dealing with a compulsive liar. This isn't someone you can fix or change through patience or love. They need professional help. Learn more about setting boundaries with difficult people.
The Manipulative Liar
This is the dangerous one. Manipulative liars lie with clear intention to deceive, control, or exploit. They're strategic. They plan their lies. They keep track of what they've told different people. They gaslight you when you question inconsistencies.
The boyfriend who lies about his whereabouts while maintaining a second relationship. The business partner who hides financial information while draining the company account. The friend who lies to pit people against each other for their own entertainment.
According to research from Cornell University, manipulative liars show reduced activity in the amygdala — the part of the brain responsible for processing guilt and empathy. They literally feel less bad about lying than most people do. When you catch a manipulative liar, they don't apologize sincerely. They either deny, deflect, or turn it around to make you feel guilty for not trusting them.
The Exaggerator
Many Nigerians know this person. The one who can't just tell a story — they have to make it bigger, better, more dramatic. They didn't just see a fight; they saw "the biggest fight in Lekki history." They didn't just meet a celebrity; they "had a long conversation and exchanged numbers."
Exaggerators lie for attention and validation. The core of their stories might be true, but the details are inflated to make themselves seem more important, more connected, or more experienced than they actually are.
While less harmful than manipulative liars, exaggerators erode trust over time because you start doubting everything they say. When they finally have a genuinely important story to tell, you won't believe them.
🇳🇬 Lying in Nigerian Culture: Why We Do It Differently
Want to know the truth? Nigerian culture has a complicated relationship with honesty. We value it in principle, but we also understand that sometimes survival requires strategic dishonesty.
Think about it. When your distant uncle calls asking for money, you can't just say "I don't want to give you money." You have to construct an elaborate story about unexpected expenses, delayed payments, or financial struggles. Direct refusal is considered disrespectful.
When your boss asks you to work on Sunday, you can't say "I need rest and I value my personal time." You have to claim church commitments, family emergencies, or health issues. Prioritizing yourself over work is seen as laziness.
According to Dr. Chinedu Okeke, a social psychologist at the University of Lagos, "Nigerian society often conflates politeness with dishonesty. We're taught from childhood that certain truths should remain unspoken, that harmony matters more than accuracy, that respect sometimes requires deception."
Nigerian Reality Check: How many times have you told someone "I'm on my way" when you haven't even left your house yet? Or claimed "network issues" when you just didn't want to talk? These culturally acceptable lies seem harmless, but they train us to see dishonesty as a normal communication tool. Over time, the line between acceptable and unacceptable lies becomes blurred. If you're tired of toxic relationships, read our article on identifying toxic friendships.
There's also the "packaging" culture. In Lagos especially, appearance is everything. The struggling entrepreneur who insists on driving a Benz instead of a cheaper car because "people respect what they see." The girl who lies about having multiple toasters because admitting she's single makes her look undesirable. The family that hosts an expensive wedding they can't afford because "what will people say?"
This creates a society where everyone is lying to everyone else, and we all collectively pretend we don't know it's happening. The result? Trust becomes scarce. Relationships become transactional. Genuine connection becomes rare because nobody knows who's being real and who's performing.
I'm not saying this to judge. I'm saying it because understanding the cultural context of lying helps you navigate it better. You start recognizing when someone's lying because they're protecting themselves from cultural pressure versus when they're lying to manipulate you. That distinction matters.
🔍 How to Spot a Liar: Practical Detection Methods
Here's what nobody tells you: detecting lies isn't about watching for one obvious sign. It's about recognizing patterns, inconsistencies, and changes in baseline behavior. Let me show you what actually works.
Verbal Cues That Reveal Deception
Overly specific details: Liars often provide too much information, thinking it makes their story more believable. Instead of saying "I was at home," they say "I was at home, watching TV, specifically that new series on Netflix, episode 7, the one where the main character…" Truth-tellers give relevant details without over-explaining.
Gaps in the narrative: When someone tells a story with crucial missing pieces, they're often hiding something. "I went out, then I came back, and that's when I saw the message." What happened in between? Where did you go? Skilled liars hope you won't ask.
Defensive language: "Why would I lie about that?" "You're always accusing me!" "I can't believe you don't trust me!" When someone responds to a simple question with disproportionate defensiveness, they're often deflecting from the truth.
Inconsistent timelines: Ask them to tell the story again later. Liars struggle to remember the exact details of their fabrication. The timing changes, the people present change, small details shift. Truth-tellers stay consistent because they're recalling, not reconstructing.
Body Language Red Flags
Micro-expressions: These are involuntary facial expressions that last less than half a second. Fear, disgust, or contempt flashing across someone's face before they school their features into a smile — that's your brain catching what their mouth is trying to hide.
Increased self-soothing behaviors: Touching their face, scratching their neck, rubbing their arms. When people are uncomfortable (like when they're lying), they unconsciously try to comfort themselves.
Creating barriers: Crossing arms, placing objects between you and them, turning their body away. Liars subconsciously try to create physical distance from the person they're deceiving.
Avoiding eye contact OR excessive eye contact: Both extremes can indicate lying. Some liars can't look at you; others overcompensate by staring too intensely because they've heard that "liars don't make eye contact."
Important Note: Body language isn't definitive proof of lying. Cultural differences, anxiety disorders, neurodivergence, and individual personality traits all affect how people present themselves. Use body language as one piece of evidence, never the only piece. Context matters. A nervous person isn't necessarily a lying person.
Behavioral Pattern Recognition
Changed communication style: Your normally chatty friend becomes monosyllabic when you ask about their weekend. Your usually detailed partner suddenly gives vague answers about their day. Changes from baseline behavior often signal deception.
Selective memory: They remember irrelevant details perfectly but conveniently forget the crucial information you're asking about. "I remember exactly what I was wearing that day, but I can't recall who I was with."
Projection: Accusing you of the exact behavior they're guilty of. The cheating partner who suddenly becomes paranoid about your fidelity. The stealing colleague who constantly warns about office theft.
Avoidance of commitment language: "I think I was home." "Pretty sure I didn't talk to her." "As far as I know, that didn't happen." Liars hedge their statements to leave room for adjustment later if caught.
🛡️ Protecting Yourself from Chronic Liars
Let me be honest with you: you can't change a liar. You can't love them into honesty. You can't be patient enough, understanding enough, or supportive enough to fix their relationship with truth. What you can do is protect yourself.
Document Everything
When dealing with someone you suspect is chronically dishonest — especially in business, co-parenting, or legal situations — keep records. Save text messages. Document conversations. Request written confirmations. This isn't paranoia; it's protection.
I learned this the hard way with a business partner who constantly "forgot" our agreements about profit sharing. No written contract, just handshake deals. When things went south, I had nothing to prove what we'd agreed on. He rewrote history and I couldn't counter it. Don't be me. Document everything.
Verify Independently
Ronald Reagan's famous phrase applies here: "Trust, but verify." If someone tells you something important, especially about finances, legalities, or shared responsibilities, verify it independently. Check the bank statement yourself. Read the contract yourself. Confirm the meeting details yourself.
This doesn't mean you're suspicious of everyone. It means you're responsible for your own information. Many Nigerians have lost money, properties, or opportunities because they trusted someone's word without verification. Don't add yourself to that statistic.
Set Clear Boundaries
If someone lies to you repeatedly, you don't owe them unlimited chances. You can say: "I've noticed inconsistencies in what you tell me. Until I can trust what you're saying, I need to limit our interactions to situations where we can verify facts."
This isn't cruel. It's self-preservation. You're allowed to refuse participation in someone else's dishonesty. You're allowed to protect your peace. You're allowed to walk away from relationships where trust has been irreparably damaged. For more guidance on this, check out our comprehensive article on learning to say no without guilt.
Real Talk: Setting boundaries with liars often feels uncomfortable because they'll accuse you of being untrusting, paranoid, or cruel. Don't fall for it. Their discomfort with your boundaries is not your responsibility. Your safety, peace of mind, and protection are your responsibility.
Trust Your Gut
Your intuition is smarter than you think. That nagging feeling that something doesn't add up? That subtle discomfort when hearing their explanation? That's your brain processing microdata your conscious mind hasn't caught up to yet.
Research from the University of California found that people who trust their intuition about deception are right 70 percent of the time — significantly better than chance. Your gut isn't always right, but it's right often enough to deserve your attention.
Know When to Walk Away
Some relationships aren't worth saving. The friend who constantly lies about small things will eventually lie about big things. The partner who lies about their whereabouts will eventually lie about fidelity. The business associate who lies about minor details will eventually lie about money.
I used to think giving people multiple chances was kindness. Now I understand it was enabling. Every time you accept a lie and continue the relationship unchanged, you teach that person lying to you has no real consequences. You train them to keep lying.
Walking away isn't giving up on people. It's giving up on accepting less than you deserve. It's choosing your own peace over someone else's convenience. It's recognizing that some people aren't ready for the kind of authentic relationship you're offering. And that's okay.
✅ Key Takeaways
- ✓ Lying is evolutionarily hardwired into humans as a survival mechanism, which explains why even good people sometimes lie.
- ✓ The seven main psychological reasons people lie are: fear of consequences, protection of self-image, desire for control, social pressure, avoidance of emotional labor, pathological compulsion, and strategic advantage.
- ✓ Not all liars are the same — occasional liars, white liars, compulsive liars, manipulative liars, and exaggerators all have different motivations and require different responses.
- ✓ Nigerian culture has unique lying patterns shaped by social expectations, packaging culture, and the pressure to maintain appearances.
- ✓ Detecting lies requires recognizing patterns, not single signs — look for overly specific details, gaps in narratives, defensive language, inconsistent timelines, and changes in baseline behavior.
- ✓ Body language can indicate deception but should never be used as sole evidence — cultural differences and individual traits affect physical presentation.
- ✓ Protecting yourself from chronic liars requires documentation, independent verification, clear boundaries, trusting your intuition, and knowing when to walk away.
- ✓ You cannot change or fix a chronic liar through love, patience, or understanding — they must want to change themselves, usually with professional help.
- ✓ Walking away from dishonest relationships isn't giving up on people — it's choosing to prioritize your own peace, mental health, and right to authentic connection.
❓ Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ)
Why do people lie even when the truth would be easier?
People often lie when the emotional cost of honesty feels higher than the effort of deception. Even when the truth seems objectively easier, the perceived consequences like rejection, disappointment, conflict, or damage to self-image make lying feel safer in the moment. Additionally, habitual liars may find lying easier simply because they have practiced it more than honest communication.
Can a pathological liar ever stop lying?
Yes, but it requires the liar to acknowledge their problem and seek professional help, typically through cognitive behavioral therapy or other psychological interventions. However, the success rate depends entirely on the individual's genuine desire to change. You cannot force or love someone into stopping pathological lying. They must recognize the harm it causes and commit to the difficult work of rewiring their communication patterns.
How can I tell if someone is lying to me right now?
Look for clusters of behavioral changes rather than single signs. Watch for inconsistencies in their story when retold, overly detailed explanations for simple questions, defensive reactions to basic inquiries, changes from their normal communication style, avoidance of direct answers, and your own gut feeling that something is off. Remember that no single indicator proves lying. Context and pattern recognition matter most.
Is it ever okay to lie in a relationship?
Most relationship experts agree that while small social lies like complimenting a bad haircut may be harmless, lies about significant matters erode trust and intimacy. Lies of omission, lies about fidelity, finances, or feelings, and lies that manipulate your partner's decisions are never acceptable. If you find yourself lying regularly in a relationship, it is usually a sign that either the relationship lacks safety for honesty, or you are not ready for genuine intimacy.
What should I do if I catch someone in a lie?
First, assess the severity and pattern. A one-time white lie differs from chronic deception. If confronting them, present facts calmly without accusations, give them space to explain, and watch how they respond. A genuine mistake will be met with sincere apology. A deliberate lie will often be met with defensiveness, blame-shifting, or gaslighting. Use their response to determine whether this person deserves continued trust or whether you need to establish stronger boundaries.
📚 Related Articles
- → Recognizing Gaslighting and Manipulation in Nigerian Relationships
- → Setting Healthy Boundaries in Relationships Without Feeling Guilty
- → 10 Toxic Friends to Delete Before 2026 (Stop Tolerating Disrespect)
- → The Power of Saying No: Reclaiming Your Time and Energy
- → The Art of Reading People: Understanding Body Language and Intentions
- → 10 Psychology Facts That Will Change How You See People Forever
💬 We'd Love to Hear From You!
Your experiences and insights make this community stronger. Share your thoughts below:
- Have you ever been betrayed by someone you trusted completely? How did you recover from that experience?
- What's your personal strategy for spotting dishonesty in relationships or business dealings?
- Do you think Nigerian culture makes it harder or easier to be honest about personal struggles?
- Have you ever confronted someone about lying? How did they react, and what did you learn from that situation?
- Looking back, what's the most valuable lesson a lie taught you about human nature or about yourself?
Share your thoughts in the comments below — we love hearing from our readers and learning from your real-life experiences!
© 2025 Daily Reality NG — Empowering Everyday Nigerians | All posts are independently written and fact-checked by Samson Ese based on real experience and verified sources.
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